16.06.2013 - How soon will it END?

Its weekend and also Father's day. My dad has passed away years ago and now I am the only father in the family. I was asked by my wife if everyone of us in the facility can attend 1 simple lunch organised by my in law, but come to my sense, I am a little worried over my daughter. Feeling too much worried, I rejected the offer and explained to her that she can either choose to have the luncheon little mess all the way with baby crying OR she can enjoy the lunch with her dad and mom peacefully without me, mom and baby. We caught in an argument just because of this. I am just too worried that our baby would disturb the luncheon but she is just want everyone united for lunch. Anyway days goes. Today, she is going alone without asking me again if I can join her. In fact I was interested to join but looking at her dissatisfaction, I just leave it on as what she planned.

It is now 5 hours past and yet she is still out there not returning. I keep wondering if she know her responsibility as a mother and part of the family. I was hoping that she knew her part in the family and return home looking after her baby soonest possible instead of enjoying herself out there without knowing her time. It is not hard enough to make everyone happy in the family especially mom, whom is very concern over time and house work, yet she still do what she wants without knowing herself. Maybe I think too much but I am so sure if she returns, mom will definitely asked her on the delay. Should I quiet or just side her? I really regret having this family. Our age gab is really big and almost everything we don't agree to each other. Seriously almost everything we are not agreeing to each other. How am I going to survive for the rest of my life.

Did I made a wrong choices? I actually think a lot lately. So many candidates waiting for me and yet I choose the one that gives me the most problem. Someone is still waiting for me but I have made up my mind not to venture into my dad's life. But with the trouble I am getting almost everyday it keeps me diverting my life to the other part of life thinking of regrets and choosing another 1. I am so stressful and sad for the past 1 year after the marriage. I have done my part at my very best but I get nothing in return except a baby that now become another burden to me. I know it sound childish but thinking of my current problems that I am having now with her, I don't think anyone of you would like to have another problem on top of it right? I was asked to focus more on my daughter but I just don't know how. I really hope the end comes. Whether the end of the world or the end of my family.

10.06.2013 - Tough today, tomorrow and so on.

Every day is today. What is so special about today and tomorrow. To some, it is a brand new start; while some may be the end of their lives. Mine was a little roller coaster. My daily routine runs as usual and ended up on the bed wondering what I have done throughout the day. Losing my own private time is unavoidable after I ventured into new life having baby and spouse. It is even more challenging by having my only mother along living in the same roof. I stressed myself too much! Before i leave the office, I worried if the 2 ladies at home would fight. Before I reach home I worried if any of them would complain each. I have been worrying this since the day I was asked to get marry but knowing so still I go on with this since it leaves me no choice. I was a little regret over what I have chosen but this is part of life I believe so. Mom was the one encouraging me to put myself into the trouble since rumours have been flowing around that I am single still because she is the one that blocking my path. Seriously I don't know why she is so worried over rumours and gossips. To me as long I am happy with my single life what is so wrong? Now it is too late to turn back or to regret. I have buried the word REGRET deep down knowingly it is too late to regret. I try best to work out things in the family but the fears yet still unavoidable. I don't know how to work things out when both ignite the disagreement and dissatisfaction among themselves. Siding 1 is totally not a good solution but to be ignorant is another challenges that I hate to be. I guess this is just the start and long way for me to struggle and suffer. I really hope I just disappear but I know it is so irresponsible to leave everything behind like this. Why am I going though tough life since the day I was born? why?