16.08.2013 - How stupid HUMAN is!

I cannot understand the concept of Buddhists. When I was having my tea with my colleague, somehow we ended up talking about eating wild boar. To me, wild boar meat is 1 of the most luxurious meat I ever had in life because of the texture of the meat and the natural resources of what they being feed everyday. I would say wild boar is way m ore clean than the those human farmed pigs. I am kind of agree that some of them says killing wild boar is a sin because we interrupted the ecosystem and wild life in the jungle where we are not supposed to. Honestly speaking I don't think I would love to have bear, lion or tiger from the jungle to interfere in my town life; therefore I don't think it is good for us to do so vise versa.

So there is this person raised an issue while we were talking about this topic. According to her it is a sin for eating things from jungle. I am a little agree with it but if it is GOD creation, and if we have the intention to kill and eat, I don't think that would be that sinful compared to those who kill and then leave it there to decomposed. So, when it comes to this killing or slaughtering animals issue, she further commented that for those who went to sea food restaurant and choose which fish that is still swimming in the aquarium for their meal, that is even sinful. So, I started to feel offended and ridiculous. I immediately throw her words that what she is trying to say here is "if we eat something that is dead, means we are less sinful while those who kills the animal for us to eat is more sinful", and she replied yes based on Buddhists teaching. I was amazed that why would these people think so? is that means no one should be doing the killing? and if so, then how are we going to eat? so another joker says, in principal, human shall not eat meat. Back then when human were created by GOD, fruits and vegetables are the main food. Because of human desire, demand and curiosity, human started to taste meat and take it as part of their daily diet. Well, I am kind of difficult to accept it because to me, everything being created by GOD has it purpose. Should it be eaten or to be eaten, GOD is the best person to answer. But to disturb the world ecosystem, I agree it is humans error. But I don't think it is fair to call fish monger and butchers a sinful job because they work hard to feed up food. They kill because of demand, so if we call it sinful everyone of us are sinful. So what is the big deal then? if everyone think killing animals and eating meat is sinful and why the hell everyone of us still eating meat? what about animal eating animal? do you call those animals sinful? why cant animal choose to eat vegetables than among themselves? common sense please.

So, out of my curiosity and dissatisfaction, I asked both of them another question. "what do you think about plant / vegetables? do you think vegetables do have life too?". Again she replied me with something that I hardly accepting it. She says, plant do have life but a life that has no pain and blood. No doubt they can move like us but their move is extremely minimal and usually caused by another media such as sun or wind. She further added that killing a plant is not really sin since they cannot feel pain and will not bleed; to conclude, vegetable should not be called alive with soul but more to growing process that served by GOD for all creatures in the world as food.

Honestly of all these saying, it is the human that created the stories and spread through generation by generation. Yes, GOD is great because HE / SHE (honestly no one knows whether GOD is she or he but Majority of the religions around the world call GOD as HE) creates wonders what serve its purpose. It is the human that manipulate the stories and makes human curious over the truth. For those that is strong enough to stand firm of what they thought is correct, there is where a new stories goes around. Apparently everything that grows do have life but to determine which life is worth to be killed to feed others, the answer should lie in the hand of GOD but not human. Nutrition of a normal human being comes from various type of food. Just don't make yourself a GOD to determine what to kill or what should not be killed because of sin and debts after life. 

14.08.2013 - Why Am I Trapped into this?

It is definitely true that married life sucks. I tried many ways to think positively and relaxed before I go back home but the fears and worried keeps lingering in my mind and heart that something is going to happen at home. Mom is 1 of the main problem after all. Jealousy is the main cause of the argument. Wife is so sensitive on every thing at home while mom is seeking for attention. Even everything we do for our only child is controlled by her. Well, to me, I am so used to mom's character and wrong doing; the only way to get along with her is listen to her, show more concern to her and ignore her for those words that poking deep inside. Honestly there is nothing to lose just that I don't get what I want sometimes but if it would make peace to the house I don't mind giving ways to her. Unlikely my wife who is too sensitive and take things into depth and complaining. Younger generation people are so different that my generation. We were taught to be patience and follow what our parents do even though we know they are in the wrong side. I am just another problem maker after all by marrying a younger generation wife that hardly take advices and challenges. In return she is giving me more problem than I ever expected.

Seriously if I were given the change to choose I will choose to be single forever. In old days, mom was the main reason why I choose to get married. I have been staying with her all these while and because of my sister is delivering, she decided to look after my sister's son and warned me to get married and have baby if I want her to stay with me. I feel that it is such a childish challenge but after numerous warning, I realised she is really hoping that I have my own family and not putting a blame on her being my burden. I asked her to help me if she wants me to get marry. So, she finally did by recommending 1 to me. Now everything is in order and the family war is the only thing left behind for me to handle and face it everyday. I wish I can just disappear from this world and move on in another brand new life but all this wishes will not never come true. When you ventured into a new life, you will be blended with new lifestyle and new family feeling. That is another problem with me.

No one will ever believe what I says and even think that I will have the kind of sense. I always look cheerful and happy whenever I join anyone. But after this marriage, I realized my life is really an empty box that stuffed into a container that full of weight, from all sides. I know complaining aren't helping at all. My sister is the only media that I rely on now just in case if cannot find my way out. Sometimes I cried out loud in the car of all the problems I kept deep inside me but sometimes I really need someone to listen and give me some feedback or guidance. Although we far apart thank God that with the current advanced technology, we still can get in touch as much as we can. Although knowingly that she cannot help much except listening and putting on more fire into fires, at least I feel someone is still there to listen and borrow me her shoulder to cry on.

I have being nagging and complaining about my stupid life since the day I found this blog and yet I still continues to do it without realizing there are many more people out there that are even worst than me. Whenever I sit and think, I realized that I started to distance myself from my mom and wife. But in actual I love both of them so much. whenever I am close with mom I am so worried that my wife would get jealous; but if I am close with my wife, mom is jealous. Apparently everyone is jealous but did anyone of them think of my feeling? For those who is reading this that are still single, listen and listen and listen. Don't get marry if you want to have better life. In every steps of path we choose, we have to scarify our future. If you ask me, I would choose to stay with my mom till she had her last breath than getting 2 ladies at home fighting without any reason which ended up we, men have to suffers.