27.11.2010 - My broken Heart

I don't know what the hell is happening to me lately. Work doesn't seems to go smooth and several bad things happen to me. I don't know it is a hint or what? Last few days ago, I was in the plan to ride my bike to work but with the regular weather lately I believe it is going to rain. I decided to drive then rather then getting myself wet. While I was driving to work, as usual going through thte highway, without noticing any car right in front of mine, a stone / debris flown to my car mirror / windscreen and hit it hardly until it cracks. I was so heart broken that time seeing my precious car wind screen got crack instantly after hearing a loud sharp noise when something hit on the screen. I was totally blunt that time and speechless. I don't know what to do and didn't even expect this to happen. I immediately called Toyota service centre to fix a date to get it change but unfortunately it doesn't come with the original tinted glass. What they going to do is to replace the glass only that is without the original tinted film. So disappointed. After days, thank God I still can drive my car because it is just a small crack, I tried to learn to ignore it and take it easy although knowing it is so pain in my heart. So, today I decided to ride my bike to work since it is long days not using it. When I return back from my office, I was caught in the rain and immediately I washed my bike just to avoid any rust that may incurred due to acidic rain water. When I about to finish the wash, I noted something strange on my car front bumper. It looks like a scratch which I believe mainly just stain than real scratch. I walked towards my car and hoping the stain will go away with a wipe but sadly it is a damn deep scratch until a layer of my paint removed. I was so shocked and speechless. I tried to recall where did I got that scratch from ? I think and think the whole day but until now I still cannot figured it out where this shit happened. I tried to calm myself but my anger and sadness is so unbearable. It is approx. 14cms long, 0.3cm thick and about 0.1cm deep. I cannot figure it out how and where this happened. I am now in the plan to get the whole bumper repaint. I just cannot bear with it seeing both the screen and bumper look like that. Now is that a sign of something going to happen or what? I just don't feel good at all just like something bad is about to happen. I was driving back from a friend house an hour ago and a grasshopper flew on top of my bonnet and stayed there until I reach home. Even I accelerate and apply brakes, that insect remain not moving at all. Is that a bad sign or good sign? Please Lord, you are my saviour, please help me.

25.11.2010 - Ring O Ring

I was messaged by my GF today when I was busy on my desk. I have being having this strange messages from her that her boss is taking advantage on her by touching her, ask her to join him for dinner, clubbing, joining him to meet customers, and so on. I am not sure if this is just a threat to me or it is a real things that happen everyday. Well I think it is good that she tells me the truth but if this is just to alert me or warn me of something then too bad. I dislike having such kind of threats because in relationship, we must trust each other and of course knowingly how to handle someone especially the opposite sex. If you know that someone is trying to take advantage on you, there are ways to avoid him/her or to keep them posted that you dislike this as well as your partner. To her, I believe she did nothing. Day by day past and the same I heard everyday about her boss trying to get close to her. Today, I was told that she is asked to accompany her boss to meet up a customer. If she is a sales team or some management staff, I don't mind because this is the nature of job where meeting customer is part of the responsibility. But as a ordinary clerk, meeting customer is definitely not part of the portfolio. Since there is nothing much I can do from here, I put full trust on her that she would be able to handle it fairly and knowingly that she do have a BF which is me. If all these are just a threat to me, then too bad, she is just looking for a trouble with me. Because I don't mind leaving her for not being honest. in the afternoon, I was told by her that she is out from the office to join her friend for lunch and shopping for a wedding ring. Yeah, pretty strange for her to go out and search for wedding ring during office hour. Then, after hours later I was again message by her saying that she had an idea on how to get rid of those men who is trying to get close to her; by wearing ring. She ask me is that okay. I did not response to her and she keep telling me this is the best option and she will consider it seriously. Then something come to my mind, who's ring she is referring to? and who is going to get her a ring? I did not mention anything yet but trying to lay low to see if she has anything want to ask from me. Silence is Golden at this time. She disappear from the screen right awhile when I choose to ignore her. I guess what she is trying to tell me is to get her a ring. We just started 2 months; is that a need to hint me for a ring? Don't you think that she is a bit materialistic? Or I got myself wrong about her? I will be very disappointed if what I predicted is true. I just cant wait to see her after few days if she is wearing any ring that belongs to her just to chase other men away. If I see no rings, that means she is trying to hint me to get her a ring. Woman, they are so materialistic. I am so sure I will leave her if what I think is true.

24.11.2010 - He is my ANGEL

My miserable life is enlighten by an angel lately; Baby Lucas - my nephew. He is so gorgeous and lovely. Despite having tough time at office, especially talking to bunch of morons, my mood turns better when I see that little angel smiling at me. I just cant wait to see him again today. I agree with those fathers who always claims that it is wonderful to have kids at home. Whenever you have difficulties, the one person can make us happy and forget things is our kids. Although Lucas is not my son, but my sister's son, I still can feel he is part of me. Cant wait to see him again and again every night. Really can't wait to have my own son.

22.11.2010 - Horrible Work life

I hate working lately. I guess my BIL is correct though that working too long in a company will probably makes you feel bored and brain-dead. Too much of stress lately especially with all the audits scheduling, reporting reviewing and meetings. I tried to be neutral and stay cool but with the number of task I need to handle which I can no longer keep track with, I started to feel bored and stressful. I am no longer happy and enjoying with my work. I just need something new and challenging. Too bad I have no high qualification in terms of education; just an ordinary Diploma compared to others with Degree or Masters. I wish I know what to do now and something new is popping out in life. I tried to appreciate what I have in the office but seriously there is nothing left except stress, bored and tedious. Seriously I wonder how could I spend 12 years in this place? It is so not organized! I was asked to be stationed in the HQ but I rejected because of the scary working environment there plus my type of person who is so home-sick. I just need a new change in life.
So, I thought I am free from travelling until the end of the month, unfortunately, I was asked to plan for my trip down to Singapore next week for another meeting with our client. Strange is, sister is here in Penang and I have to travel to Singapore for work. Why? Is it necessary for me to go down there again just for a meeting?

19.11.2010 - Home Work

Another busy Friday I have today. Was a partly baby sitting my MD today and now back home, I have to do all the cleaning. Just feel like an Indonesian maid. Well mom is back tomorrow for several days so I need to clean up abit so that they can have comfortable stay at home. Yesterday I washed 2 toilets and today I sweep the floor, mopping, wiping dust in her room and mine, watering the plants and wash my car. Luckily I am back home early today otherwise I would have ended these things by early tomorrow morning. I started to do my cleaning at 9pm and finishes at 1130pm. Really hate cleaning things. GF is clever, lay low pretending that I am busy and refuse to disturb me but in actual she knew I am busy cleaning my house. Well sometimes there is nothing much I can do. She is not part of my family so I cannot ask her to help at all. Hopefully 1 day she would know how to lighten my burden in terms of cleaning and house keeping. I am so hungry now. I ate a slide of bread but couldn't last even an hour. Really want to go on bed now. Hopefully the hunger goes away. Diet Diet Diet..

14.11.2010 - Sunday Dinner

Wow, I love cooking. Look at the dishes I have prepared. I have ABC soup and fried rice. Both are my favourite food. Luckily my special girl is around helping me out to eat otherwise I have to get it all in my stomach. What is dieting if I keep wallop food like that. Hmm... love this Sunday so much. Home cook is still the best after all. Especially with my own cooking recipe. hahahah... I don't mind having the same type dish I have here for a week. Fried rice is 1 of my favorite and ABC with black pepper seed is perfect. It cost me less than RM10 with all the ingredients, healthy and delicious. Way to go Ronnie Chef. Wuahahahah.

18.11.2010 - Perfect Dinner

Damn lucky I am. I have someone special that have being accompanying me for the past 1 month and preparing my dinner most of the time. Amazing huh? Difficult to find a young girl that know how to cook and look after their partner but I found 1. She is younger than me 8 years which I am a bit concern of; lovely, small size and very good in cooking. Although I already taken my dinner at office, I still make myself to finish the food she prepared because if I don't they will stop doing it. Sometimes I just asking myself what I want after all. She is the one that I believe she can look after me and my family but just that the feel is yet deep inside. I guess its being too long for me to be single which have makes me feel odd when it is time to choose and decide. She is wonderful in terms of her characters, her love and her caring. Just that I am so defensive trying not to hurt myself. I know age is not really a boundary but I just too scared that she might regret in times to come. Well I think too much I guess. I am so sure she is the one I am looking for just that I need to grow up and take it and leave the others behind. Take a look at the food she prepared for me today. Amazing and delicious. Just can't wait to give her a big kiss.

15.11.2010 - Back to Normal

Finally my travelling marathon is over. I am going to have my full stay in Penang for this week and hopefully more rest and sleep. What I need to do now is to clear off all my emails and follow up on some issues that left behind for the past few weeks. Bosses have being calling me to station in HQ for 2 weeks just to get myself used to the managing environment as they want me to be controlling more rather than remotely from Penang. Well, I guess I would like to stay as long as I can in Penang and definitely not for these few days. Many things I need to do, house cleaning and clearing my old emails. Hope I get more rest and sleep. I just got frustrated for the day because there are so many incoming calls and orders the very first day I am back from office. Too many things to handle in a day. Just can't wait to leave the company soonest possible.

12.11.2010 - Pissed Off

It was my sleepless night. I did several times of rehearsal for my presentation before I jump on bed but with the stress and nervous, I am totally awake. I woke up on that day at 645am preparing myself for the judgement day. Yeah I called it judgement day because the day where lots of assholes going to be there looking at how we present ourselves and get condemned by these people. I was made aware of the consequences and challenges for this round training especially 1 person who is an Indian. What I heard is, he is a type of person who love to give negative comment, condemning people and enjoy using harsh words to hurt people. Despite knowing many of us struggle badly to get our guts here yet he is still doing the harsh things to us. I was scheduled the 3rd person. 1st and 2nd presenter was badly being hit by the these managers. It is exactly like American Idol just that there are 6 judges and most of them are rude and harsh. The first 2 participants were questioned none stop after each presentation which makes the remaining awaiting for their turn more nervous and worried. I was the 3rd candidate and I finished my talk about 20 minutes with approx. 6 PowerPoint slides. My presentation ended with applause by all the audience and being positively commented by the judges until it reach that little bastard (Indian fellow). I was expecting something from him probably something bad. He started off with positive comment followed by giving me 8 point out of 10 point since I have powerful voice and kind of relax when standing in front of the stage and well verse with my own slides. And for a sudden he changes and begin talking something negative which initially I took it as a challenge and improvement. I was a bit defensive and begun to fight back on what he claimed to be right but to me it is not exactly correct. He repeatedly commented that particular topic and demanded me to answer him something I don't have in hand. I tried to divert the topic but again and again he frustratedly insist I answer him. I lay low that time and patiently listen to him and wait for him to finish he bullshitting. For this kind of asshole, there is no point arguing except being deaf for a while and let it goes. MD was abit bitchy and followed what he says; I mean repeating what he commented. Well it is not bad after all; because my own boss who is sitting right beside him say I did very very well. The organizer of the course later then reminds the judges that the purpose of the presentation is to evaluate our performance in terms of physical and presentation skills. It has nothing to do with how the project goes. Somehow these judges is out of the topic and entered to another topic especially emphasizing on revenue and business opportunity. Well all of us are prepared for this and all of our project presented are real project and not something bullshitting. I would consider myself lucky though because right after me, there are many more being commented even worst than me. Some even with vulgar / harsh word that hurts the participant and us; the audience. I just wish that I can ram my car on that Indian bastard. He did even think of how people feels. I thought he only attack different species but he attacks more to the same species. One of them is my close friend. He was badly hit on his presentation and was asked to cut all the bullshit. He was badly being commented and making all of us begin to retaliate to that bastard. All of us seems to fight back during the end session but it never change him at all because he is a regional guy and none of us including the MD is dare enough to hit him hardly. Well it is now over. Just that we are not satisfy with this little bastard and hoping so much not to see him again and future.

10.11.2010 - Completely Change?

I have 2 more days before being slaughtered. Yeah.... again the training program on managing people and performance program. This is the final stage and I have to deal with all the managers and other participants on some project presentation. I was so busy with my work and all the home work which I am suppose to prepare for this final module is left behind until the last 2 days before where I begin populating and preparing for the presentation. This will be tough especially standing in front of everyone including whole Malaysia's division manager talking about my work and how to get my project establish, managing it and optimized the revenue and manpower. I done with the slides about 10 pages and started to do some rehearsal myself in the room after work. A copy of it being made available to my boss but after all the hard work and rehearsal I did, it is just a waste after all. I was told that 10 slides is too much and does not meet his requirement. I am very pissed off initially but after having a second thought, well he is just making me look better and presentable. No doubt it is a disappointment but knowingly he is helping me to get things done better is really making me feel much better. I took the challenge by going through the slides again after being fully amended by them (bosses). I did twice rehearsal on that nite and was hoping I would able to catch and make the presentation flows smoothly. I try harder to digest what they are trying to addressed in the slide although it looks strange to me. Hopefully things goes well. Just that it is too short notice for me since I need to travel tomorrow (11.11.2010) and have limited time to go through it again. The stress and tense I am going through... is unexplainable. With the fears and nervous I just wish it is over soonest possible. Sooner or later I am so sure I will be the next heart problem patient.

08.11.2010 - Flooding emails

I hate emails! just few days off I have hundreds of emails to run through. What is this? Instead of doing my work on Monday I have to go back for the past few days to clear off my unread emails just to keep track on what happen for the past few days. It is like lost in time. I hate that feeling especially sitting on my chair putting too much concentration on the email and adding more back-logs to my works. I just wish that I am out from the email list and no one will ever email me. Sick and tired with all this shits.

07.11.2010 - Resurrection of Loneliness

Being a week away from home really make me home sick after all. But when I return home, again it is totally different than what I wish to have. It is totally quiet in the house unlikely in my sister's house where mom, BIL and darling Lucas is around. Luckily my dearly GF is around to accompany me otherwise I am so sure feeling strange. It took me awhile to adopt to the environment and of course getting my stuffs unpacked. I am too lazy to clean the house but with a week away, I can feel the dust and dirt around the corner. Hmm... anyway I took a quick house cleaning and then out from the house for a walk. We watched a movie at the late evening, dinner and then back home resting. What a day.

05.11.2010 - Peninsula Excelsior

Not bad at all. Recalling my stay in that hotel, I am so amazed that the hotel was newly renovated and look great. I thought that it is a lousy hotel and looks horrible. Hotel Excelsior in Ipoh which I thought they are the same was a cheap and lousy hotel I ever stayed. Fortunately they are totally different and the one I am staying is perfectly furnished and presentable. It cost me SG$190 per night without GST and other charges. Breakfast is included but I did not enjoy it that much since I am abit hurry for the past 2 days. Broadband service is good, toilet / wash room is nice with see through glass to the bed room and room service is perfect. Take a look at the picture I posted. Sis and mom was travelling down with me from her house to the hotel since I need to be stationed there with my fellow colleagues. Baby Lucas followed us and he slept on my bed like little angel. We keep laughing as the kind size bed is huge while he is just a tiny little boy with pacifier on the big bed. Love to cuddle that little monster. Everyone left at 9pm; after BIL reached. 2 night stay in that hotel is awesome. Well if it is on my cost, nah.. won't even think of it at all.

04.11.2010 - 2 days Hamstering

Wow, 1 day at sister's house, 2 days in Hotel Peninsula Excelsior and then back to sister house until weekend? Yeah... stupid isn't it? After the conference, I need to suffer for another 2 days in the same place where the conference we held. This time, is full training course that takes 2 days talking about Freight Security Requirement which is due to be launched by early next year. I hate having too much of training especially similar course, repeatedly done with different coaching and clarification. It makes everyone even more confused than before. And of course making my job even tougher than ever. I am the lead in the team and again with all the doubts I have with the team, now the organization is making more mess on it by having different point of view and teaching which is not par to the requirement. End of the day everyone is looking at me asking which is the correct one while those who pretend to be more genius than ever is going against me for what the organization is claiming correct but not consistent to the written requirement. Miserable. 2 days - 3rd and 4th is so horrible, we were tested at the end of the day and guess what I score highest in the class. I was given the privilege to stood up at the stage and receive my certificate of attendance which look even silly. The one who copied my test paper, my boss, did the same too. We were also asked to have short presentation to share our experience with everyone but I rejected the offer since it is a last minute call and we are not prepared. Unfortunately we were called and luckily my boss name is called rather than mine. Everyone is looking at me hoping that I am the one to be there but I was praying hardly that my boss is the one to go out rather than me. Boss ma! Anyway it is over now and I am now free from all the hassle. We went off separate ways and I headed back home at Pasir Ris where sister stays and took a shower and rest awhile before I hooked up with my notebook again clearing my email. Will spend few more days there until weekend with mom and sister and will be back home on noon flight on Sunday. Ops... attached a photo of 'me' camouflage

02.11.2010 - Conference Day

I am so tiring and sleepy but yet I still need to wake up early and get ready for the damn conference. 645am is damn sleepy and I need to be at the place at 830am - Marina sand convention centre. Sincerely I love to stay at home resting more than be there. Dressing up is really a horrible things I dislike especially putting up a tie and jacket. My day is quite well, I met up my bosses there but they are late, chatting with others, knowing people and grabbing some nice picture with friends and colleague. What I hate most is sitting at the hall listening to those boring speeches and award presentation. There is where I am so sleepy and loosing all my concentration on the speeches. Day went by fast and we tried to escape from the crowd as early as we can since most of the speeches is not related to us. What we concern most is our presentation as well as awards. We left the scene around 4pm. i was in the thought that my bosses is in the plan to leave early to return to KL but to my surprise, they are actually aiming for site seeing; at casino and then shopping at malls. Well to me I just wish to return home, rest and clear off my emails which have being in 'red' / unread for the past few days. What a day.

01.11.2010 - Travelling AGAIN

I am really out of my mind. I just returned from KL days before and now again I am asked to attend a conference in Singapore last minute. I was in the thought that I would escape this conference and rest myself in piece for few days before I fly down to Singapore for the TAPA training on 3 & 4th November. Well things never go that well for me though; so I was called early in the morning on last Friday to be in the Singapore to back my management up on technical issues. My plan and schedules was messed and I was so pissed off with the extreme travelling for the past few weeks ago. I have to book my flight myself and organize my things soonest possible. I wish I have PA to tidy up my things and follow up my back log if possible. 1st November, I took an evening flight down to Singapore and as usual, sister and her family fetch me at the airport. We headed straight to the nearest mall to grab myself a suit since I was asked to have suit (office jacket) in this conference. The damn thing cost me SG$259 but I think it is worth the price. I thought of getting myself 1 but fortunately I allowed to claim it from my company since I am now a manager who entitle for suit purchase every 5 years. Not bad huh? We were abit rush that time because of our appointment in dinner. We have Korean food which is quite okay but definitely not my type of food though. Pretty rush and I am so exhausted because have being travelling up and down for the past few months.