24.10.2008 - Sober

Its been years not having beer except on small occasion where 1 or 2 glasses are tolerated. But this time, it is unavoidable. My fellow colleague; Indian and my ex boss and ex colleague came to my office as early as 5pm waiting for me to join them for drinking session. I rejected them in the beginning but they seems to be very disappointed and blaming me for not willingly to accept their invitation for pre-Diwali party. Well it has been our tradition where pre-Diwali party is usually being celebrated among us as a signs of friendship. I was quite angry at first when they postponed the party from Thursday to Friday but well, its not worth to get mad over a small issue like this. Since I've made myself clear that no more beer/alcohol and smoking, I explain to them that I won't be able to join them and in fact I have an appointment with a friend to go for a jog after work. I guess they started to believe me but you can see on their face the disappointment. Since I have made up my mind, I took all my gadget and got myself changed with proper attire preparing for my jog. When I got myself out from my office, it rains. This is so unacceptable. Even GOD sided them. There is nothing much I can do except turn back and call them up for some snacks and bites. I was so lucky when I got to know they are enjoying their foods at the back of my office's food court. As I expected, there should be some nice tidbits and some nice bites. But when I reach there, 4 big bottles of Tiger is waiting for disposals. They made another order 2 bottles once I reached their table. Before I begin to talk and explain, the small little glass full of cold beer is ready for bottoms up. Before I start to say any words.... "hey.." they hold my glass, pull my hand and hold the glass with 4 remaining of them saying bottoms up. Stunt! I really speechless and keep on refusing but the end, we finished 17 bottles of big bottles of Tiger within 2 hours. After years stop drinking, these 17 bottles really makes me feel high and ... drunk. I started to feel dizzy after 12 bottles but orders are kept flowing in without my consent. I didn't even know then they made the order except seeing bottles by bottles flows on our table non stop. I put a stop when we reach 17 bottles. The whole food court; is my voice saying "NO MORE NO MORE.... ENOUGH.. STOP.... PLEASE NO MORE". Gosh really embarrassing. I rested on my chair for almost 1/2 an hour before stood up and drove back home. Now, I still feel dizzy and sleepy but every time I keep my eyes close, I can feel just like flying around. I guess am deep Shit. Not bad ... I still can write blog at this condition.

17.10.2008 - Working with assholes.

It's difficult to treat someone help you before as an enemy. We are now working under 1 roof but different department. He (PWS) took me in working with him when I took the VSS offered by my previous employer. I work under him all the time until 4 years back where I was transferred away to another division. He always praise me as a good employee to my new manager and strongly recommended for my promotion even I am still fresh and beginner.

A year back, he called me for some discussion about his intention to promote someone that is incapable but knowledgeable. He has no choice except putting this stupid guy (whom dream for this post for years) as an administrator since no one else is suitable so far in the branch. The reason he calls me is because he knows that we (that stupid fellow) cannot click to each other. Well, I am a bit rude and I told him I don't like him and disagree that he is promoted. I further commented that his promotion does not relates to me at all since I am from different division. He is disappointed with my answer; I know that.

During a year time, I seldom talk to that stupid fellow and only greet him whenever I sees him. Well I guess it is normal to pay someone older than us a respect. I never say no to whatever he says and I never go agaisnt him. But this stupid fellow, he always take advantage on me by reporting all nonsense /make up story to my new manager and PWS. Like today...I received a call from my new boss (he is always on my side and hate that stupid fellow as well) that PWS is complaining about me being rude and did not respect that stupid fellow. Who else? that stupid fellow is the one who lodge the complaint. I have being chatting with that stupid fellow few hours ago and and even joke since yesterday about our server failure since a week ago and why a sudden he complaint that I did not talk to him at all and disrespect him? There are couple of times where I ask for his advise about jobs and have good discussion. That calls 'talking' right? Several times I noted that he is trying to show off in front of me but I always ignore and keep quiet; not to cause any problem to PWS and my new boss. Anything that my new boss approved for my purchase, he doesn't like it. E.g. Maxis broadband. Since a week ago, our server has already down; and we have no access to our emails at all. My boss instructed me to get a Maxis broadband but I refuse because I know if I own 1, that stupid fellow will get jealous and something new will prevail which may caused me, my boss and PWS in a war. I keep quiet and stay low profile. When I talk to that stupid fellow yesterday that I plan to get 1 he says that it is not necessary and ask me to dial 1315. He further added that he is using the Maxis broadband and usually only manager is using it. Well he did not say I am not suppose to have one but he does sound like hinting me. Luckily he is not my direct superior otherwise I am in big trouble. He yet to know that I actually have an approval to get 1 but I rejected. Hahahah...

I feel so down after receiving that call. I keep on wondering why can't PWS call me personally and ask me instead? Why trust that stupid fellow than me? Why?

16.10.2008 - Cancer is applicable to everyone.

I usually park my car around the housing area near to my office instead of at the yellow box parking area. Not to say stingy for the parking ticket but to me I feel it is not worth to spend RM2.00 per day just to park your car under the same condition; hot sun and at your own risk.

The parking area is approx. 100 meters away which requires me to walk bypassing several houses around that area. Along these houses, there is 1 tailor shop and hawker stall utensil supplier. My routine; saying hi to the foreign worker in the hawker stall utensil supplier and looking at the quiet tailor shop. It is not exactly a shop but a conversion from a normal resident house to small business tailor shop. Commonly I will see an old man around 50++ walking around in the compound cleaning the floor or probably playing with his grandchildren. Yesterday was a bit different than before. I notice that people are putting up some white cloth tent and arrival of a coffin in front of his house. I didn't see him around that day and was thought that something must have happened to him for a sudden. I did not know him at all but I can feel the sadness of loosing another person that usually I see everyday enjoying part of his life playing around at his compound area most of the time. I walk away with alot of doubts and was thinking why this happen to someone that looks healthy at all time? Gosh.. it really makes me feel uncomfortable and keep asking why does human so fragile.

During lunch hour, I decided to walk by just to confirm it is the uncle that passed away but to surprise me; the picture that hang in front of the coffin is a young good looking lady. She is young and the picture posted is taken with her graduation suit. I was abit glad that the uncle is alright but keep on wondering why the death come forward to a young lady? Initially I was like... hoping the picture that they posted might be taken during her young age; but today I heard from a friend of mine, the one passed away is a 25 year old young lady. She suffered cancer since she was at teenage and she survive the awful pain thru all the treatments and medication. She recovered for several years and it came back lately until it took her life away. She is just a stranger to me, and I never see her before or even know anyone from her family but the pain and her lost really touched my feels. I keep asking why death come upon a young lady? She yet to enjoy her life to fullest and in what reason she been punish to death? Why? And why cancer exist in this awful world? Why on the young once? I have a lot of why in my head and I feel so sad why must human being tortured in this 'world'.

15.10.2008 - An Old Man Advise

I met an old friend 2 days back and thought of putting it in my blog but was too lazy for the past few days after back home. This elderly man is about 57, fit, tall, average looking, executive level, presentable, happy go lucky type, open minded and of course friendly. I knew this man a year back when I attended an audit in one of the Singaporean company lead by him as a General Manager. The very first time I met him during the audit, he is very professional, firm, decisive and a type of manager that listen and act immediately. He is strict but his PR is outrages. He is really a nice person to mix with and of course someone that you can respect as a senior or brother.

So, we meet up again last 2 days ago and we had a nice talk about our interest; gym and exercising. We had big discussion on his plan to establish a company; and sharing knowledge on security things. Well I am a security auditor; of course he needs me to put up something better for him.

So we end up talking about life and of course sharing about his marriage life and also how he got divorced. I am not going to say much about his divorce things but I want to share something he told me that really make sense abit to me.

This is what he told me. He had a talk with his mom once before his mom passed away. He addressed a question to his mom why she match make and who is that gal the she match make to him. His mom says... "dear son; we as a parent always wish for the best for our children. we know that choosing a wife to our children looks old minded. I know you prefer to have your own choice and of course someone looks pretty and sexy. you rejected my match making and choose your own path and at the end you learn your lesson. To have a good wife that can click with you, you need to find someone with good background, family type and of course having same interests as you. Well...I got someone nice, she love outing/sports, good family background, well educated but of course not higher than you, caring and lovely, polite and dislike shopping/ night activity. Without considering it, you rejected cos you found someone from disco. Well now you have a 'disco' wife that love clubbing, drinking, smoking, dating, shopping, etc. and you say she suit you. You choose to go against us and insist to marry her. Well, we always respect your decision since you are old enough to make your own choice. Now, your wife gives you wonderful life right? disco life? and finally bye bye with you? See son, the lesson to learn is, always listen to older people and evaluate what people says. Whatever you do now, at the end you will get back the same thing you did. and whatever you choose now is whatever you gonna get in future too. Example, choosing a wife; if you would to listen to us and accept the lady i match make for you, probably you are now with a big happy family. you choose to have disco wife now you life is full of disco too. It is past now; learn the lesson and widen you thoughts at all time."

This is a very good advise. Conclusion, if I love to jog, I should look for someone love jogging too. So now my target is at the jogging area/garden/gym. Hahahahaha...... I wish my mom can match make for me.

15.10.2008 - Busy but Nothing much can DO.

It sounds weird when I say I am busy but there is nothing much I can do. I can't check/send my email, I can't print anything, I can't fax anything, I can't ..... do anything in the office because my company server broke down since last Wednesday. It is now exactly a week and still not yet up running. Its like back to stone age everything with hand writing. Damn! The new IT Manager is so stupid! The system is malfunction since last week and he did nothing except going for leaves/vacation and says 'we are in the mist of reparing it' thru his mobile. But when we did a check in HQ, they did nothing except waiting for service provider/vendor to debug the error. And he is enjoying is vacation while his staffs (also newly appointed - both Babi) stitting on his desk doing nothing too. I still wonder why the our HR Manager (also another Babi) choose this stupid Babi as out IT Manager; without any IT knowledge. I called him once (IT Manager.. his name so call 'Mr. Dick') requesting him to reset my password; and he responded to me that he doesn't know how to do that and need to check with his technician and get back to me. I was shocked! I wish to slap him with my sandals.

Huh.....I bet there are hundreds of email pending in my mailbox. I am going to explode.

12.10.2008 - Sick

I have being sick since a week ago. And got my thigh muscle torn. So unlucky. Was trying to jog again just now but really cause more pain. Hope the pain goes away soon.

07.10.2008 - Doc Says

I am so sick these few days. And today docs grounded me from jogs. I got my thigh injured. At the same time, soar throat, fever, body aching and jaw pain. Ya everything comes at once. I feel so down these few days and I kept asking myself why but I cant figure out what is the reason behind it. I speak to my doctor when I visited her at evening and she tells me alot of things and advise. She can see my problem but I cant see it myself. She says there is devil's thought that I have; makes me depressed and lost for instance. She ask me to find a companion, enjoy life and be happy; because that is the key of healthy life rather than having the current thought such as feeling guilty, being responsible for something that happened in the past, trying to be more than filial son, holding everything on the shoulder and refuse to let it go, waiting to be the next cancer victim due to family biological history, etc.

I really need to walk out from my life. Its tough and I feel so difficult to put a step out.

04.10.2008 - Don't Know Where To Go During Off

Whenever mom is around, I always says I can't go anywhere and put mom as an excuse. She is in Kelantan since Wednesday and yet I still sit at home on weekend doing nothing; wandering around what should I do? Today is the 6th day of 9th month of Chinese calender; which the 9 gods festival is holding a 2nd gigantic procession thru out the 9 days visits after long ago demised in deep blue sea. I was telling myself; this could be one of the place which I can spend sometimes driving/riding down from my house Lunas to Raja Uda; approx 40 minutes; but I ends up sitting at home lying on my big sofa with stupid Astro remote control on my hand; tuning from 1 channel to another with a hope that there is a nice movie to watch! Damn Astro blood sucking company; makes me pay RM110++ without nice movie! Well.. I end up on my desk writing blogs.

If you ask me what I did the whole afternoon? Ok... it starts like this. I woke up at around 8 am, make myself a simple breakfast; a glass of Milo and 3 slice of bread with peanut butter and 'kaya' - some call it as glutinous jam/molases. Something sounds like that. I went back to bed resting and then fall to sleep until 1130am. I received a call from a fren in Penang who makes me jump up from bed and drove way long to meet him. The traffic was so horrible; could be due to 'balik kampung' rush. Once reached, we shoot straight to one of the Chinese Temple and donated some foods to the beggars. Well, it feels good being able to help the poor one but somehow I feel very sad seeing some Chinese taking advantage by asking for food even they have ear rings, rings and other jewelries on their hand and necks. I feel shame on them. We then headed to Pulau Tikus; had a nice lunch and then Haagen Dazs for our dessert. The dessert is so tempting but I did not make any order since I am too full with the lunch. We then drive along in Penang, wondering where to loiter for about an hour; I did the driving; so tiring; and ends up at the Greenlane McDonald. Well we won't be sitting there with another tidbits if I am not searching for washroom. hahahaha... So we have a good chat, some silly one and then decided to return home since nothing much to do then. I drove all way long from Penang to my friends house; dropping him; and then to my office for another friend of mine. I shoot straight back home tired but still not satisfy with whole day activity. I change my cloths and went for a jog in Mengkuang dam until 7pm; later sitting at the corner of the parking area tired with muscle pain on my right legs. I am limping. Damn! I am back home then searching for food but due to limited choices, as regularly did, I took the chicken rice with roasted pork. Back at home, I did some laundry, boiling water, cleaning at the kitchen and then lying on my couch watching nothing.

In fact I did a lot of things today but I still feel something is strange with me. I don't know what is it all about. I just feel it is not right and something I could do better than lunch, jog and ... is it call lonely?

02.10.2008 - Bad Dream Again!

Have you ever dream of something that makes you chase for freedom and life saving? I dreamt the end of the world. NO ... I didn't watch any horror movie lately. I know most of your gonna ask me this! and my answer is NO.

I was lying down 45 degree on the bed after experiencing a pain in my stomach. As usual gastric. It was a cold dark night, alone and sleepy. I went to dark night/sleep approx 1230 and my dream starts from there on. I woke up many times and when I go on bed again, the story continues. That's strange! It was like... big hurricane, tornado, space ship (invader - ya this is weird), where all gone haywire. I was running no where and everytime I fall I woke up from the dream but it is just like so real where I still can hear ppl crying and yelling. Man.. this is so weird. And yes this is my second dream within a week. I mean something relates to 'end of world'.

The global warming is getting worst in our world. I hope the end of world that I dream about is not going to happen.