25.05.2010 - Working VS Family

Looks like mom is controlling my life while I retaining her with me for her comforts. It is hard to be a filial son. I sincerely want to have my own life and own family but not under her umbrella. Not just listen to what she thinks is right and wrong. I rather want to be alone by myself and fool around rather than get someone I think I can’t or can work out with for the entire of my life under her instruction or recommendation.
Well.. Who intro me the Piccinini? Mom is the one. And now with all the dramas and operas, I ended up with lot of mess with surrounding girls that quietly fall in love with me. After all the mess, now she still continue introducing 1 twin sister to me who worked in Singapore before, return to GURUN and now seeking for husband. Why would a nice girl need a recommendation instead of being chased after by bunch of guys? Ridiculous aren’t they? Aiya! Work problem; boss give problem; staff give problem; go back also mom give problem. Aiya!
I was so mad with my boss today. Both she & he ask me to source for business and then they will help me to meet with them to secure the business. Well I am an operation not marketing or business manager; being approaching is pretty hard but never try never know right? Sometimes I keep pushing myself to be more positive. Tried to call and do something which they never know. I got info and then pass to them as what they asked me; so call helping to source for business. Although some are ‘call in’ instead of ‘call out’, to me it is still customers which he and she should put forward as priority to boost up our northern revenue. When we the operation ask for help, with 1 reason, that they trust I can do it myself they refused to come down to have a meeting with customer. Sometimes it is not the matter of who can or cannot or capable to handle it. It is the matter of how our company seriously interested to participate in the tender and briefing and response by the top management rather than sending a representative. When his & her baby (another sales team) demanded them to come, without any hesitation they will drive over without any further question. Am I an idiot? Or step Child? What does pissed me off most is I planned to apply for annual leave this Thursday for family gathering but now it seems to be forced to work than having my “ME” time. I was laughing whole day that I was sent for a simple management training so call MPP which says we managers should organize our time and put our own ‘ME’ time more than working. With this kind of management, I would probably need to dream of having ‘ME’ time than having the real ‘ME’ time! What a waste of investment for such silly training.

22.05.2010 - Speechless Day

I was so tired. I just don't know why I woke up at 10am instead of having more sleep to patch up what I lost 2 days back. I feel so sleepy, tired and uncomfortable. I don't feel like talking at all. Mom was happy to see me and reminding me that we need to go shopping to get our monthly groceries. I was so tired and though of telling her I don't feel like going out but looking at her, spending whole week at home and eager to go out, I have no choice but to force myself to be strong and energetic. Just that I am so speechless (don't feel like talking at all). Our trip out was silence and stay on our objective. We shop at Carrefour, wet market and then headed to her friends house just to keep her happy for the day. I was so tired and slightly dizzy. After having our dinner back home, I was early back on my bed around 11pm and went in deep sleep after that.

21.05.2010 - Home Sweet Home

Unbelievable; I was asked to attend my HQ audit which I am not related to. Anyway it is a challenging task and I enjoy it very much. All the while I used to audit factory but now, we being audited by the Standard Malaysia. Although it is tough I love it very much as it gives me the feel how to being audited. Everything went well except what I planned was not in time. We thought of leaving the office at 3pm but was asked to extend our stay and attend the closing meeting. At the end, we move out around 7pm. We were offered to stay another night but considering the snoring, I prefer to go back on the same day. We stop by at TAPAH again and then IPOH for dinner and supper. We have beer to celebrate our day back and some tidbits. I was so tired, sleepy and dizzy. Went on nap after that and forces to stay awake after several minutes just to keep the driver company. I reach home around 1.30am and after unpack and shower I went on bed around 2am. Another day goes.

20.05.2010 - Sleeping with COW

It is a tiring day. I was summoned to Shah Alam office to assist the on going final audit ISO17020. Due to cost cutting, I was asked to manage my travelling at the most economic way. I searched the budget airlines but none of them is cheaper than driving. So I have to plan driving than flying. Luckily I was asked to bring along another staff of mine otherwise I have no choice but to drive my car. Day was smooth as I planned except receiving plenty emails that I need to follow up. We thought of starting our journey after lunch but with all the emails, we end up at 3pm and I have to check and reply my email while in the car. Battery went flat after and hour and forces us to stop by at the TAPAH RnR to fill up our stomach and charging my notebook. I stop working after that when I start to get dizzy looking at the notebook. We reached KL around 8pm (if I am not mistaken) and headed straight to my God sister's brother's stall hoping to have nice Bak Kut Teh. Unfortunately the stall is close which leaves us no choice but having another bak kut teh right opposite the shop. Yucks!!! the most horrible bak kut teh I ever taste. We were so tired after late dinner. Check-in into hotel and fresh up with shower. We chat for few hours before my colleague went on deep sleep. He is very tired since he is the one driving from Penang to KL. I was praying hard that he is not that snoring type but unfortunately he snores the whole night until I stay awake till morning. I tried to close my ear with pillow but the snore is damn loud. I wish I can just squeeze his nose and slap him. Grrhhhh....

18.05.2010 - Past Do Cause Pain

Seriously I don't know what the hell am I doing. Somehow I just miss my ex girlfriend so much. I did not add her in my friendster but quietly searched for her name and account thru my sister's account. I am looking at her beautiful pictures with broken heart. I keep asking myself what have I done wrong that causes her to leave me without any reason / explanation. I was blunt that time when she says she want to leave me and just make friends with me. I was frustrated that time and disappeared from her world. Despite having tough time begging and calling her parents to ask for sympathy, yet to no avail. Now what I can do is looking at her happy wedding photos and how she enjoy her marriage life with kids. The unbearable pain was so strong and reminds me the past on how we go thru the happiness together. I wish the world could turn back and I will do my very best to win her heart back and marry her. It seems that I am really a loser when comes to relationship. Nothing seems working for me all the time. I guess I have too much stress and sadness which causes me to rethink about my past. It is very sad to be alone and lonely. Especially when you need someone to talk to and a shoulder to cry on.

15.05.2010 - Yummy Lunch

We were so boring at noon. We were figuring out what to eat and where to go to complete our weekend. We thought of cooking at home but kinda pity her cooking for weekdays and yet she still need to struggle herself in the kitchen on weekend. After several suggestions, we finally buckle up and drove down to Nibong Tebal. It is approx 60kms away from our house. I took the old trunk road instead of highway since we have plenty time to waste. Mom was excited when I told her we are going to some nice place to eat. Place that she never been there before. The journey took almost 40 minutes and we started to get more hungry and bored. Weather is extremely hot and dry. We can even feel the heat in the car despite air-con is running towards us. Exactly 215pm, we reach the destination. I thought it will be pack / crowded since this place is pretty well known on its roasted pork and crab porridge. We are lucky that day that it only several tables are filled. We are considered 4th table and waiting to be served; 2nd. Since we are there to try something regularly served (I've been there once); I place 3 orders immediately without asking around what to eat and what to intro. Roasted Pork Hand, Fried Vegetable with Dried Salty Prawn and Crab Porridge. I reminded them we need only small portion since only 2 of us have to get it cleaned (finish). In less than 10 minutes, all are well served and in big portions. We looked at each other asking ourselves how are we going to finish those huge served dishes? Well, with empty hungry stomach, we just whack as much as we can and will only decide if there is remains. Surprisingly everything is cleaned. So delicious and tasty. Mom and I was so happy and satisfy with the meal we have for the day. The crabs are meaty and tasty while the roasted pork are crispy. Overall, we rate our lunch as 'GOOD'. The 3 dishes served cost me MYR64. i.e. MYR32 per head. Well, we still think it is worth the price!

15.05.2010 - Unexplanable Doubts

Its tough when comes to unbearable pain deep in my heart. I was tough and positive whenever it comes in relationship. But this time I was not. But of course it is not as severe as my first love. Well, not a big deal after all being fooled by someone. The only matter now is how long can I stand this and to stand up and face it. Hitherto, I still cannot figure out why this could happened. With love and boundless I have poured to her yet she is not satisfy with it and created lots of lies and excuses to repeatedly hurting me. I've shared this pain with 1 one my friend and was quoted she is mentally ill. "No wonder at the age of 27 still single". It make sense though! Its time to wake up and start over rather than missing someone that not worth to think off and wait for.

12.05.2010 - End of Love!

Finally, I have ended my new relationship today. After all the lies she creates, I thought of leaving it behind and start all over again. I intended to leave but with her persuasion, I take another challenge to be with her after she cried and cried on the phone claiming she misses me alot and cannot leave me. After all the argument, we seems to start talking last 2 days and yesterday I asked her if she wants to see me and was replied yes. I pick her up after work and headed back home. She was busy watching TV while I took my bath and dinner. Things seems normal where we talk and jokes. She hugs me before I send her back home but the hug was pretty odd. She never hug me before by herself unless I ask for it. But this time she hug me instead. It was a warm and strong hug I ever have from her. Today morning, I received multiple SMS from here saying she miss me so much. Then when I reach office, she MSN me and say she miss me again and again. And after hours, she begin messaging me something strange. She say she did not sleep whole night because she is very sad that her parents scolded her when she reached home yesterday at 1am. As far as I know the whole house was so dark and everyone is already slept when I sent her back home. Well, she continues to message me that her parents was not happy that she dates me. She added that she was questioned by her father who she is going out with, name, age, from, work, etc. and to my surprise, she told me her father prohibits her from seeing me again because I am hokkien Chinese with surname TAN. According to her, Hakka Wong and Hokkien Tan is not suitable to be together and she should not go out with me at all. Well, this sound strange because all the time, she is the one telling me her parents would never want to know who she is dating with. In fact she also did mentioned that her parents do encourage her to date friends. Well, I don't know what is happening; probably she complaint too much of things about me to her parents which makes them hates me OR she is just creating stories to leave me. For my opinion, I think she created all this stories to keep me away from her. Even my friend teaches me to use parents disagreement to call off our relationship since she have being crying and lying. Well, things are now over and I feel more released than having the silly partner that act strangely. I believe she has mental problem or probably too childish. Hmm... I rather take the small pain than deep pain later part. Lives goes on huh?

09.05.2010 - Pay to Pain

There goes our mother's day celebration. Nothing special except having good dinner at TGIF Queensbay Mall. It cost me MYR160 for 2 persons that is now causing me a severe gastric pain. Yes my damn gastric pain came back without any reason. I have my meal regularly but somehow it came back.
I wish to know what have causes the pain but there is no signages tha what I have through out the day would causes the pain. Well if to ask me to guess, I believe it is my dinner. I took beef rib with some gravy and sauce that tastes weird and nice. I took quite alot of it and I suspect this could have contain vinegar. I wish the pain goes away and let me sleep peacefully.

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09.05.2010 - Abandoned Mengkuang Dam

I love going to Mengkuang Dam for my routine jog. Years back, the dam was well maintained. Grasses were trimmed, trees were at reasonable level/height and toilets are cleaned and operate at all time while cleanliness was maintained. That was the time when Penang state was under Barisan Nasional (Federal Government). After the took over by the opposition during the last 2009 election, which means a big lost to Barisan Nasional, everything seems to change. Despite knowing there will be bias after the announcement made, I never expect things going to get this bad at Mengkuang Dam. I am not a god politic followers but I know who is right and who is wrong. If you ask me how bad it is in the parliament or in the ruling state government, seriously I don’t give a damn. What I know is we need to change after years seeing the stagnant silly ex-Penang states government. Not to condemn but I really hate these people that take orders and work like little puppy dogs; you know who I mean. Back to my concern! I have being around in Mengkuang Dam for years and lately I notice there are drastic changes on the maintenance. Trees are not trimmed, grasses were as high as children’s height, toilets were not maintained or cleaned, and rubbish was found everywhere while those infrastructures are not being maintained. I just wonder, does this have to do with the change? Seriouly I feel irritating when showing it to my fellow friends from overboard / oversea / outstations. Sometimes I can even smell odors while I walk around this area. What is happening to this place? Isn’t someone going to do something on it? But to those who purposely making Penang look bad, I can assure you this will not stop us choosing the ‘change’ because it shows us more clearly how bias you are to states that you lost control over to the opposition. What we need is improvement and changes rather than be stagnant and boring. If you are an understanding leaders; yes ‘leaders’; think of how to adopt to new ways of improving and gives supports in all ways to ensure ‘rakyat di dahulukan’ as what you all claimed loudly on the media. Putting a line due to your past failure by cutting our budget and support is only making us more hates you than thinking for another change back to you. We are no longer small kids and stupid fellows like before. What we can tell you is; you are such a disgraced to our Bapak Malaysia!

09.05.2010 - Money IS everthing

There goes my MYR450 for 3 types of medicines which my mom has regularly. I cannot understand why must these medicines being so costly as it is meant to help and improve human life. Aren’t they should be at reasonable price instead of being so extremely expensive? I cannot imagine how these poor people are going to suffer if they have no money to get these medicines to sustain. Humans are barbarian. They live and they kill in all ways. Despite having the thought money is not everything but still these medicines are put on stores with high prices just like killing people. Luckily I earn a lot otherwise I just wonder how I am going to keep my mom alive until now. Some says I should start visiting government hospitals since they disburse good medicine which is subsidized by the government. I wish to get it from them but to run all over again seeing a new doctor, explaining the whole scenario and might probably getting new recommendation for new medicines instead of the one she is taking; I don’t think I would like to take all the risk again. I have seen many patients in the general hospitals which have to go through the hassle of waiting, testing new medicine and worst of all getting being experiments by those trainee doctors. I am not going to let my mom being a ‘white rats’ / experimental items. Well I was born to be such, so there is nothing much I can do or choose. Anyway feel great when I can do something for my family.

01.05.2010 - Complicated Heart

Having the thought that being loved is gifted and glamours. Every man in this world would love to be loved by girls but in reality none of them know the pain when comes to choosing the 'right' 1. I thought I was cool and good in handling such situation but up to date, I just realised I am another useless guy that really poor in handling women. I would rephrase to... 'choosing the right 1'. Mom and I was on the same track that it is time for me to start my own family. In fact if she (mom) did not decides to look after my sister in SG (during her confinement), I don't think I am eagerly searching for 1. I was actually being indirectly asked to have one just to make her feel better since she is not around me for months. Probably too much worry about me alone at home.

Having 1 is now really a big headache to me. It is not the new partner that gives me problem but the surrounding woman that makes me feel irritating and confused. I received a call yesterday from someone who really in love with me. She was crying on the phone and expressed her hunger for my love. I was so touched and sad for her sadness. I did tried to work along with her but our character and attitude is totally not matching at all. Woman are great, they can just cry and make you feel sad and regret for what we have done even having a new partner. Once I reached home, again I was bugged by someones wife that she really in love with me. This is so ridiculous! A married woman deeply in love with me? I was very mad at her and told her to back off and leave me alone. She explained to me her problem with her husband and having to know me is gifted. She said she has being missing me since day one she met me at Ipoh when I perform an audit. I really wish I can comfort her but I afraid getting close to her will make things even worst! Although I want her to be my friend but it leaves me no choice but to stay far away to prevent some misunderstanding happened. Especially getting her husband involve in it. Well, i can just say sorry and leave her alone. So I thought it was all for the day but at night when I online (Internet) I was again approached by another friend of mine who is actually my colleague from KL. She was in the thought that I am still with her after her proposal to be her boy friend. She is a nice little girl but to me long distance relationship is not workable at all. I am a person who love to be loved and touched. I like to talk and borrow a shoulder to cry on although I am a MAN. With that distance I doubt I can stay patience waiting. I clear off all her doubts via SMS and she was not happy and down after that. Seriously what is happening to me? Is it so difficult to make people understand and to think what I want? I really fed up with all this relationship things. I feel comfortable being alone and free from all this trouble. I do love all of them but there are obstacles that really torn us apart. It is not I purposely don't want to consider at all. I just want them to understand me. If you really ask me to choose 1, I really do know who is my best candidate but things just don't work well. What can I do?