26.10.2010 - 1 bait 2 fish?

Nothing is tougher than given to chance to choose whom you loved most. I hate being into this kind of situation especially to make a decision whom I should choose to live with. I am not being lost and taking the most dangerous challenge by attaching with two at once. When I am so lonely, I was praying so hard to have one as a companion but when it comes, I begin to feel odd. I wish life is that simple and straight ahead? Now there is one that younger than me 8 years and one is older than I am 1 year. Of course, having the one younger is always the choice but whenever I am around with her, I think of the one older than me. However, when I am with the one older than I am, I think of the one younger than me. This is the silliest thing I ever come across throughout my life. During my young time, I am good in making this kind of decision and knowingly whom should I take and whom should I leave behind. Now I am just like an old man losing all my senses. I cannot deny anymore that I am going older day by day except taking step ahead of how to lead my days and what I need to do to complete my life and day. Hitherto, I still wonder what the correct path to move on is. I wish I know! Nevertheless, for now, I just need to struggle more with two of them until the day either one get to know the truth and leave first. I am so selfish! I lost all my senses. I am just another loser in this event

26.10.2010 - Birdy FLY FLY

I cannot cope anymore with the current schedule I have. I need to fly here and there for meeting, audits, presentation, training and now backing up someone I don't even know in technical. I love staying at home having my sweet time, cleaning the house since no one else is helping; in fact I hate doing but there is no other option left; watching TV and planning for my own food which is extremely tough. I have tonnes of email yet to read and response but job is keep adding on without 'full stop'. I wish I can just disappear for a week for leisure far far away without any disturbance and calls. I have being having the lost of life after mom left and was working hard on work and searching the right 1 to be with me. Although it is tough but I embrace myself to go through it without failing. Seeing my schedule today and many other things that I need to check and run through, I have nothing much to say except pulling my hand brakes and begin throwing it out in my blog. Seriously I really want to quit but who is going to pay for my expenses? I am tired and about to give up things. I just wish life is easy and money is not everything at all.

14.10.2010 - Love Still My House

I always tell myself that it is time to leave my nest and begin my new life around. Although mom is no longer at home, I am still missing my home so much. Sometimes u don't understand what I want. I have being hoping to see mom and sis in Singapore since weeks ago but when it is the time I feel being so heavy to leave my house. The die hard feeling since morning ruin my day after all. I was trying so hard to comfort myself ad putting much effort on my work but again it never chase that weird feeling away. I just don't know how to manage myself and control every hard feels I have. It is easy to comforting people but difficult when comes to ourselves. I just wish everything goes back like old days where mom is at home with me, dad is around to chat all shits we have and sister is back home regularly. Things never happen the way we wanted to instead it goes against it! I am hoping that I grow older and get part of my years fulfilled soonest possible. Although I know God has given me the opportunity to live and enjoy but I would love to live besides him all day long seeking for his teaching and advise on how to be a good man and appreciating every second he gave us. I am now on board the plane with the weird feeling haunting me every moment I have. I am trying hard to calm down but nothing seems working. Useless man I am I guess.
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12.10.2010 - Another PLAYBOY

I was surprised seeing my dad's first wife's son (2nd son) coming out from a brand new car right in front of my office walking towards Public Bank few doors away from my office lot. I was blunt when I see him walking out from a car which is not belongs to him (last I met him was few weeks ago in his good looking Proton Satria) along with 1 beautiful sexy girl. At first I was so unsure if it is really him so, I remain sat in my car waited for him to come out from the ATM machine booth. Since we are from 2 separate family; different mother, we don't talk to each other much and even keep in touch since the day dad was cremated. What I know about him is he is married to 1 wonderful lady and gifted with 1 good looking son. As far as I know, he is the type that really loyal to his wife and a family type person. That have make me eager to know if it is a mistake or not? I remain in my car with my car engine running (yes he doesn't know I have changed my car) waiting for him to come out from the booth. I knew he saw me when he pass the car key to the sexy girl; so I think he is hiding in the ATM booth for quite sometimes. Almost 10 minutes I was waiting and I refuse to move away even though I know he is a very nasty person. Finally he came out but he seems to be very rush running towards the car and quickly entered without taking a look at his right or left. The girl was with him and keep looking at me like she know me somehow. I drove my car towards him but unfortunately his door mirror was completely covered with sun shade that blocks me from making another confirmation. Well, even if he did have another girl out there, what is so embarrassing about? I guess he will be following dad's foot step; anyway none of my business! Just glad to see someone in the family having dad's pattern. Who cares anyway? He ruins his family not mine!

11.10.2010 - I am immune to Aliens!

I hate girls crying especially when there is nothing causes them to cry in reality. Having too much of thoughts that doesn't exist at all or yet being real or something that wont happen at all; are not the best excuse to cry or ruining the relationship. To me this is call a threat. I hate seeing or hearing girl crying but of course it depends on what types of cry as long it does have a strong reason why they should cry. Of course there is a reason why we cry right?

So I received this call from someone who have being serving me with wonderful meal that day started off with lots of accuses that I am not satisfy with her performance, her attitude, her ability to handle house work, so and so where I didn't even have come across of it at all. Of course I was a bit disappointed seeing her wandering around while I am busy cleaning the house, watering the plant and even washing my car. I just want her to offer me a hand or at least an offer to help. Instead she is having her time looking at me and walking around the house looking for something to do. Well I did not blaming her at all just because she is still new to my house and in my life. Everyone need times to get used to the place where they stay put at and to be in somewhere they not used to. I am frustrated but I did not show her any reaction except teasing her for not helping me to grabs my cloths and fold it after I washed them. I think she must have being to sensitive about it and blaming herself for being not able to help me and begin accusing me that I am not satisfy with her and accusing her not familiar with house work. Worst of all, she was saying that she did all the works in the house and not being able to help me my house doesn't means she knows nothing to become a good partner or a housewife. Well, she got the point but she further added; she have being doing house work at home is more than enough and does not need to prove to me by doing it in my house. That really pissed me off. I tried to talked to her and cool her down but she talks none stop assuming she is exactly right while I am not suppose to have the thought she is not a good housewife. Honestly I did not have that thought at all. To me it is my house and it is my duty to keep them clean and I don't need anyone to help me! Well, again I blows me off and I started to call off the phone call and ask her to think whatever she want and I am giving up with her. Well that does not make things better infact aggravating the situation. I am fine with it and sometimes being alone is way much better than being attached by several aliens. I feel released after that but hours later, I received many messages from her apologizing for what she did on the phone. I am not really angry but I just feel being too tired to handle such situation every time I involve in this kind of relationship. I don't know are they crying just to get my sympathy or purposely trying to test my concern over them? To me it is silly! I am taking a break and wanted to have open relationship than committed with aliens!

10.10.2010 - Weekend?

I have another boring weekend today. I woke up late around 11am feeling lazy. Having a quick breakfast and again as usual cleaning my house, throwing something meaning less in the house and doing my cooking for my lunch. I finish everything by 330pm. Took a cold shower and then enjoying my cook. Roasted pork porridge and clean fry veggie that was left over in the fridge since weeks back. This time my porridge is very tasty. I have enhanced the taste compared to previous porridge after I got some secret on how to get the porridge tasty from mom. Took a rest awhile after my meal and then sleep for an hour. Electricity supply is abit strange since morning have being experiencing intermittent cut off for several time. By the time I awake it was almost six. I grab my key and have a quick change and drove to mengkuang dam; my favorite spot for jogging. Electric supply went off totally before I step out from the house but it wont stop me from going out though. Well I need to burn off what I have taken last Friday. I was having a nice steamboat with my fellow colleagues in the office. It was an amazing treats and all of us enjoying the gathering so much. Well with drink and foods it leaves me no choice but to burn it off on Saturday and Sunday. I sweat alot and very tired. Imagining the house cleaning and then jogging. Man I am wondering why am I stressing myself so much. Well my day yet completed as I still need to travel down to night market to grab some vegetables that I usually blend and drink in the morning. By the time I reach home it was late and hungry. With the remains I have in the kitchen I clean up the porridge and again back to quietness in the house. After switching from 1 to another channel finally give up and jump on my bed hoping to rest early. But again winding till 2 am. What a day. Life's goes on and yet nothing is that exciting about so far.
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09.10.2010 - Home cook meal

I feel being so lucky today. Despite being busy and lonely since weeks, I was given a surprise with home cook meal from someone fall in love with me. I woke up pretty late around 11pm, doing some cleaning, preparing my own breakfast and headed out to my office to clear off some back-logs. My day was very rush as I need to work, shop some DIY things, planned for a jog after work, lunch, get my car checked on the audio system, to wash my car, to buy medical soap for mom and of course planning for dinner. Everything seems smooth running. I even managed to stop-by at the nearest plastic shop to look for small dustbin, broom and small plastic-ware for kitchen use. And then before I reach home, I was called by a friend of mine... I would say my ex; who is now pretty close to me; requesting me to pick her up from her house. Well, yes we have being seeing each other for the past few days and I did pick her up hoping someone to accompany me in the house. I was surprised that she is carrying something; a plastic bag when entering my car. I did not expect anything inside there except home-cook soup which she did last 2 days back. I love having soup for every meals. So, when we reach home, I start watering mom's plant, wash my car and then ironing my cloths. My stomach begins to call for food. I was heading to the kitchen in the plan to grab a spoon for the soup but with my surprise, my dining table was served with rice, fried egg on top, a soup with whole chicken drumstick and a dish of bitter-gourd & tofu stuffed with shrimps and meat. Wow so delicious and impressive. I wish to have this kind of treats everyday. I guess she is the one but somehow, my guts tells me there is someone else in my heart. I wish to settle down fast but with all the trouble and problems I have with woman, I am so tired of thinking of pursuing. Anyway, I appreciate that meal so much and wishing to have more home-cook from her then.. wuahhaa...