16.05.2009 - Taking a BREAK

It is not as easy as I thought. I am not sure if I am too sensitive or it is the fact the mom's myasthenia resurrected. I cannot sleep for the past 2 nights worrying about her sickness and hoping so much that it is me that over react rather than the true of resurrection of her past disease. To ease both of our worries, I decided to take a break on Saturday going to places where we can have peace of mind and relaxing moment. I choose Kek Lok Si the largest Buddha temple in Penang island. We started off our journey from our house at 1130am, taking our lunch at Bagan Luar and then crossing over with the old double deck ferry service. Ferry is the first transport that connect both the island and mainland residents since early 70s. The ferry services that managed by the Penang Port Sdn Bhd is the only ferry that operates through out Malaysia that connect Penangist since old days for trading, tourism and employment. The image and perspective of the ferry services was affected since the 1980s incidents that takes hundreds of life of the passenger during the biggest Chinese God of Mercy's celebration, where the terminal structure collapsed due to improper preventive maintenance and old wooden structure that is not being scrutinize from time to time. We are lucky during that time as the structure of the terminal collapsed right after the ferry we boarded depart from the terminal about 5 minutes after. I was around 8 years old during that time if I am not mistaken. Lets forget about the past...

So we reached Kek Lok Si after awhile and decided to walk from the ground level instead of driving up to the hill. Although I know mom is not strong enough for this, I do encourage her to walk slowly as part of sincerity to pay visit to the God Of Mercy. We took a slow walk towards the temple and finally we reach there in less than half and hour. Mom was tired and we had a rest awhile before going in. It is a nice place to go especially when you are down, at least you can find peace in the temple and ease your mind from all the worries that lingering around for days and years. We walk almost all the area from the Bronze statue to the Pagoda and all the individual temples where Buddhas are rested / placed. The only thing that I don't really like about this place is, everything is money. Entering the Pagoda section is charge at MYR2.00, taking a lift to the Bronze statue is MYR4.00 per person, etc. The only holy place the need not to pay is Church. I do feel irritated with all the charges but this is unavoidable. We finished our walk hours later and headed down to our car with peace of mind about 3.30pm. We drive around in Penang and ended up at the Siamese Temple for side seeing and prayers.

Sometimes it is true that having a break somewhere is worth still to ease our worries and sadness. I do ask around my friends why do they love to travel and go around during weekend and most of their reply is to relax and ease of mind after all the headache during the weekdays. Now I admit it is true, but depending where you are going.

13.05.2009 - Being Stupid Again

Believe it or not I just got back from my ... so called cousin's house, sending my fellow aunties from KT, KB and SG back to her house. They have been here since last Sunday evening dropping by saying hi to mom. It is good for mom but not for me because again I need to take them out, spend for them and figuring out where to take them for dinner and shopping; which I am not good at. These aunties are so difficult to handle because each of them likes different things at the same time. Furthermore, I never like them since I was a child because they have been humiliating us and look down on us during old time when we are very poor. I really wish I can chase them away from the house and spit on them! But do I have a choice? and do you think I will really do it? Nahhh... nope. For the sake of my mom, well I have to take it and swallow it down deep in my throat. So on Sunday, which is Mother's day, I was planning to have a date with mom at a simple restaurant or maybe some nice hawker stall enjoying food together but it was ruined by this silly cousin of mine. She called me early of the day telling that she is going to bring her mother and other sisters that visited her to overnight in my house for couple of days. Initially I don't mind but of course I am not welcoming them. What can I do? they are my mom's only family. So I agreed and preparing for them to come over but the planned was changed since it is mother's day and we were invited to join them for so call sister's mother's reunion day. I kept silence for a while on the phone when she propose for this event because I knew she is actually running away from paying the bills for 8 of us (my cousin, her mom, my mom, me, mom's another sister, mom's cousin and her daughter and my cousin's friend). I pretended that we had our plan but she added that it is good if the sisters can meet up and have dinner together during this mother's day; which I think it is true. So, I agreed and planned to discuss with her during the dinner that this bill should be divided between 2 of us because I have only 1 mother with me while she has 2 mothers (long story about this.. she is actually delivered by the 2nd sister but raised by the elder sister of my mother) and her friend. But I was so surprise that she did not even offer to pay her share and keeping quiet even I hinted her many times during the dinner. I was so pissed off. Never mind, since it is not that costly, I swallow it again!

With the dissatisfaction for that night, i nail it deep in my heart and says this will be my last dinner with them as every time I go out with them, I always be the one to settle the bill while others keep quiets. Last time they look down on us, now they try to eat my portion! NO MORE for next time. So on Monday, I knew they are depending on me to go around but purposely work till late evening until 11pm. By the time I reach home, I can see these few old ladies are with sour face and silence mode. I guess they are really pissed off with me because I did not spare sometimes to take them around. Although I feel great with it, but I do feel guilty too because, they are just an old silly bitches, why do I need to pissed off with them? right? Feeling guilty, I start to talk to them and says that I am planning to take them out today (Tuesday) and nice dinner. Guess what, these bitches is transforming like 'transformer' from sour face to happy looking face. My GOD!

So Today, I have my plan early in the day and move out from office sharp at 6pm and reaches home at around 640pm. I quickly take a shower and getting ready to give them a ride around the area. I took them to the Perdana Mall in SPT assuming that aunties love to shop and go around. With 4 big butt at the back of my car and 1 extreme king kong at the front passenger seat, in my brand new car, my heart is like crushing piece by piece knowing they are putting much weight on my new born absorber / suspension. Once we reached the destination, we almost split up our group allowing each other to walk around and shop what they want. Me? I am on my walk to the nearest rest area with seat busying with my SMS and phone calls. Initially I was walking around at the CD shops but after awhile I am getting tedious with the place and decided to rest rather than walking around. After awhile all of them group up again searching for me. I met them in the supermarket asking if they want to have their dinner. Out of 5, 2 is complaining there is nothing to buy and insisted to go out from the mall and look for nice hawker's food. Another 2 was busy buying snacks to fill up stomach to continue shopping and another 1 is complaining the food is extremely expensive and insisted to go out from the mall. I cannot imagine how could I handle all this mess! I was calm that time but to some extend I started to raised up my voice asking them to make up their mind if they want to shop or go or have dinner in the mall then continue shopping. Every is looking at each other for a while and then 2 heading out from the mall while remaining 3 continue shopping. I really frustrated and ignore all of them and headed to the rest area and ignore them. At the end all of them start shopping ignoring me. See how good these old ladies is! After all done, they call me and ask me to take them for food in CLP. Again I drove them to CLP searching for parking, asking them if they want to eat anything and then as regular, again become the paymaster. Hahahaha... well, okay la... this time I think I should be the person to responsible for their meals; I am happy to pay. When everything is done, I took them back to my cousin's house and then return home cleaning all the mess they did to my car.

That is call woman. They gives you more problem than benefits. 1 is more than enough but I have 5 that takes really takes me to hell. Whatever they do, they never think of the other person next to them. They just do what they want and expecting people to follow them like a dog. When you go against them, they start nagging, spreading gossips and then complaining about 'man'. Next time I will tell them I will be going outstation than sitting at home waiting for them to fool me around like toys. Damn!

12.05.2009 - Angel Sighted.

I have being seeing alot of girls around but today, someone shows me this pretty picture which I think she is perfect physically. I know that posting someones photo is not right without their consent but I don't think she will be mad for what I am going to do especially with all the positive comment about her. She is very pretty and if you would to ask me to grade her; I am giving her 10 over 10 point. I went to the megamal Pinang last few weekend and spotted an event on Miss Megamall Pinang Competition; and guess what non of this young little girl is comparable with this girl that I am talking about. Although I doesn't know her at all; I think she is the sweetest girl I ever see. She has all the natural beauty, nice hair style that match her face, make-up-less outlook, nice standing posture and perfect woman shape. According to my friend who shared this with me, she is a very nice lady and very polite when being approached. She smiles all the time and being very helpful whenever there is a need. She is different than other lady that we usually meet; e.g. being trying to show off, selfish, being proud, rude, etc. but for her she is the finest lady that offers helps and smiles wherever she is. Of course yes I like her very much based on that picture but do you think she is available? Hahaha... I always have this in mind... a good lady will never be available because it should be a hot stuff people being hunting for. Do you think she is still available? Well, this picture was taken by a friend of mine accidentally when he is trying to repair his digital cameras and was so lucky to have this pretty young lady in captured. A friend of mine who is married is hoping that I would put more effort to know her and approach her if there is an opportunity. I wish I can but .... with my low self esteem and of course with my status that usually not suppose to carry out the task as my friend being assigned to, I hardly believe I would have the chance to meet up this beautiful young lady. Well, this is just for sharing and will be removed if she noted I am breaching her privacy. Enjoy.

09.05.2009 - Sleeping day

Wow... today is my sleeping day. I actually plan to sleep as late as possible but somehow it has become my habit to get up at 830am. I tried to sleep and rest more but cannot. I got up, go to toilet, brush my teeth and then straight lye down on my bed again trying to fall asleep if possible. Well, I got 15 minutes nab. Mom is not in the house this morning since 7am; doing her prayers at the temple with her bunch of friends in conjunction to the wesak day. I was in the plan to visit my friend in Ipoh but the laziness really takes me back to my bed for another 15 minutes. Because of hungry, I pull myself up and took some light breakfast but found out that my house is really like a rubbish house. Seriously I don't know how my mom look after the house. She always complaint that the is boring and don't know what to do during day time. but the damn house is so dirty not being cleaned and floors are dusty and sticky. All things are not in order and old plastic bags and dinnerware's are left in the kitchen. Kitchen washing basin is so dirty with stains and left over foods are placed in the bag not being tied. JESUS... Sometimes I do wonder how the hell could my dad choose my this mother.. hahahhaa.... not exactly dirty la but to me ... I am a perfectionist. I want things to be in order and of course to be clean as well. So because of that, I start cleaning my house. By right should be Sunday but because of irritating to me, I do it today. I clean, throw things and washing. I started from 930 am and finished at almost 2pm. I sweep the floor, wipe tables and chairs, vacuum, wipe my hi fi set, rearranging, water the plant, wash my car, clean the external floor, mop, wash the kitchen basin, throw rubbish (including those old things that my mom hide from me) hhaahaha.... and of course cleaning toilet. I was so hungry that time and luckily mom is back, she did a small portion of fried rice for me after knowing I am busy with house work and did not go for my lunch. As soon as I finish the whole thing... I quickly rush to kitchen and searching for my portion. After finishing my meal, I took a rest awhile before I go for my shower. By the time I am done, I am drop dead on the bed until 530pm. The best afternoon sleep I ever have. As usual, 6pm I drove mom to Butterworth for marketing and then back home waiting for dinner to be served. Now I am in my room checking my mails and chatting with bunch of friends. Wish I can go out tonight but I need to accompany mom in the house. The most headache is ... her sisters is coming tomorrow and again I need to spend and waste time taking them out here and there. Hate them so much.

06.05.2009 - Never Ending Affair

So, again i have being haunted with another friend of mine. This time she is my secondary schoolmate. That skinny funny fellow married 9 years ago and was given 3 wonderful children and a happy family. Like what she told me, her life is wonderful life flowers. Although life is busy for her everyday but she never feel bored with the lovely husband she had and of course her 3 naughty children that always gives her smiles and hopes. Ohya... she is the only schoolmate that I still keep in touch with coincidentally through Internet friendster. So, yesterday, I was abit shock when she message me via MSN seeking for my advise. See, another one! Initially I thought she is not happy with her husband or has some disagreement that might have caused both of them argued or sort of throwing words around that hurting each other. So, before she start to talk, I asked if there is an argument with her husband but she answered NO. That is really interesting when a woman tells you they have no problem with her husband but feeling bad and guilty. Well... what else that can make a married woman worried other than ... affair? i am absolutely right. Although she is not really having affair physically, but her intention and response to this man is somehow to me; is consider affair too. Ok... who is that guy? According to my friend, he is her ex bf who is married with kids. See both is married! Somehow this silly man is sending SMS to my friend telling her that he miss her to much and wish to be with her. he is trying to date her and meet but his intention was rejected by my friend. Seriously no one know if they meet or not but to me .... I guess they did. She further added that he calls her several times and talked for quite awhile exchanging feels and misses. And now, it has reached to a stage where this man... his wife get to know that he is keeping in touch with his ex gf; which is my friend. Because of that, this silly man had a great fight with her wife and about to tear the family apart for this silly friend of mine. But luckily he then decided to keep his family and lay low. In other words, he will stop keeping in touch with my friend! Awhile I guess! But now she is worried that his wife will attack her. To me, if you doesn't want this to happen, you shouldn't have get involve in this in the first place. You are given a wonderful family with lovely husband and kids and yet you are not satisfy with it and continue to do wonders behind your husband. Although I am not clearly understand the situation between you and that silly man, keeping in touch with him as a friend is not really a bad things but exchanging feels and loves or misses is totally not acceptable. Seriously, as you always mentioned to me, your husband is a very lovely person and a wonderful family man, why do you need to have another one behind him?

Until today, I really can't understand what do woman wants. Given all the things they wanted before marriage and after marriage, yet they are not satisfy with it and seek for alternate ways to tear the family apart including people's family. By end of day, the blame goes to the man.

04.05.2009 - Trust or Frust?

Today, I got another call from a male friend. Same thing, venting off his frustration about his girlfriend. Strange little man. They have yet to date each other; already started to have friction and lost of trust. Instead of solving his problem, I am laughing.

See... what happen is, this girl is a rich man's daughter. She know nothing about house work except making herself look good and running a business that occasionally gives her profit. Well, at the age of early twenties, I think that is not bad at all. About character and what they like and don't like, I noted that both have something that not that matching at all. My friend is older than her about 10 years. He loves, quietness, candle light dinner, less social, watching thrilling and action pack movie, having meals at hawker stalls, etc. but to her, she has being grown up having her meal in the restaurant, spending money like water tap, dating guys for movies, love cartoons and love stories, hate cleaning, hate candle light dinner, love shopping, love guys companion, etc. In what world do you think that these couple are suits to be together? Although he knows that this is not going to work, but I don't know why he insisted to try.

Ok.. how he got mad and jealous. Last 2 days ago, he was called by the girl for a date but he turn down the date since he is busy with his work during the weekend. By end of the day, he drop her a message asking her if she is okay and what she did the whole day. Well, I guess it is normal for a man to do that right? so.. the little girl replied. She tells him all the stories about what she did the whole day. It sound like this. Her parents were out since morning, left her alone in the house feeling lazy to go out. Her friend came to her house asking her out for movie but since she is not keen to go out, she offer HIM to stay with her in the house watching DVDs the whole day. When they got hungry, the man cook for her. They spend the whole day together in the house watching movie and having meals together. So... what do you think? make up story to make my friend feed bad or a sign that she is not worth to be with.

To my point of view, telling the truth about what she did the day is a good sign that this young lady is not lying and wanted her BF to know that she is clean. That is what I call building a trust. But knowing that she is already attached with someone, she shouldn't have agree or offer a male friend to be with her in the house alone the whole day. Seriously, she should have consider having meal such as lunch or dinner with this friend in public than in the house privately where there are lots of wonders that people might thought off. Yes Although your BF trust you, do you think he will 100% agree what you did is correct? Let me put it in more simple way. Would you love your BF to invite a girl to his house whole day doing something that you don't think they would do? Simple! How you feel is how he is going to feel. See building a trust is important but the way how you build your trust is not exactly correct. Instead you are making yourself look foolish and stupid. Seriously, if your BF says 'they are clean', do you think your neighbour would think so? Of course it is people's mouth but remember, rumours and gossips works both good and bad depending on situation. Having love and going steady is not as simple as everyone thought off. Scarifying is part of the most painful event that you need to populate for both. It is how you handle the situation and how you manipulate and change the way to make both feel comfortable and believe in each other.

So, what I did the last, I advise him to reconsider to drop her instead going further. It is still an early stage to move away since this is just started. If she don't agree that what she did is wrong, no point arguing because to her this is normal and she might be doing it again and again in near future. I did ask him to ask her if the situation is in reverse, how would she feels? And my friend says... She refuse to answer. Wow... there you go .. the millennium type of girl.

02.05.2009 - What a FOOL

Sometimes I do wonder, why are certain man and woman are so stupid! I received a call from a friend of mine (woman) seeking for someone to vent off her frustration about her affair. YES, affair! She is married, with kids and has no problem with her husband at all except being ignored by her husband because of his tight schedule traveling here and there and of course entertaining customers and clients. Although I am not a counsellor, sometimes I don't really know why most of my friends will prefer to talk to me than keeping it to themselves. So about this woman, I think she is a very selfish person. Although I don't know how bad her relationship with the husband is, but to me having affair is not a solution at all. Anyway, this is what happen actually. According to her, she is not happy and very disappointed with her so call 'boy friend'; yes... boy friend NOT Husband! Based on what she expressed to me, I can feel that she is really in love with her part time boy friend more than her husband. I just wonder how can a young and single man would fall to this married woman; especially knowing she is married and not available in principal and legally. Should I call it stupid or 'love is blind'? Silly I guess.

Well. the things that really bother her is; her so call boy friend is considering to date another girl. In other words, she is jealous that her boy friend is going out with girl and might be ignoring her in near future. Be honest, to me, I think she is very selfish. If I am that so call 'boy friend', I will surely walk away, getting myself off from people's wife and find a nice and young lady that guarantees me future. I am not sure if he is suffering with this relationship but to me I can feel the pain of seeing my so call girlfriend sleeping and making love with her husband while I am just sitting in my house waiting for my turn, missing for her touch and kisses. Seriously that is the most ridiculous things to happen and I wonder how could that silly boy take it first of all. Being single and available, instead he choose to be somehow stupid having love with people's wife that can't give him any promises for future and love. Although they call that as true love, my question is, how could that be if your lover is having fun with her husband on the bed every night while you are waiting at home for your turn? And the most funny is, your lover prohibits you to date other girl while she is having love with her husband every night on the bed. Hahahaha..... ridiculous.

This is the current society. It is full of wonders and shits. Sometimes I really wonder how could this happen and why can this happen. Is love really game or it is just something that human use to entertain themselves. Listening to plenty stories really makes me worries about marriage. Seriously I really don't trust woman that much anymore. Sorry my friend, I can't really help your problem.

01.05.2009 - I rather work today

Its another boring holiday. I was in the plan of sleeping whole day today but it doesn't work. Mom seems to be waking me up with all the hard audible moves. It is 10am I got myself up brushing my teeth and then drinking a big glass of plain water. Looking my empty marble dinning table, I know she is actually waiting for me to offer her a breakfast outside. I gently ask her if she wants to have dim sum or anything, but was replied 'don't know'. Well, this is always women's answer every time you ask them where to eat, where to go and what should we do now. It is in their gene! While waiting for each other's feedback, we ended up watching astro's drama non-stop from 1 episode to another episode. And then I ended up cooking instant noodle. After my meal, I straight walk to my room, took a shower and then back on my bed until 3pm. Seriously, I don't know what is my mom doing but I can hear clearly she is watching TV non-stop. I woke up at 4pm and surprisingly, she is still watching TV. Since no one is occupying my main living room TV, I decided to burn my time watching a DVD which I bought months back. By the time I finish watching, she is no longer busy with the TV. So I took her out with me for a jog until 7.30pm. I wash my car and she is preparing our dinner. As usual, watching TV until 11pm and then back to our room preparing for a rest for another day tomorrow.

Life isn't that wonderful but wonderfool. We know there are many things we can do in a day but because of lazy and incompatible to each other we ended up doing nothing but sitting in our house wasting time with TV. Sometimes I do thought of going out having fun with my friends but leaving her in the house alone, to me is really unbearable. I always put things in reverse and I know this is not going to be good if this would to pro long as I need to look for my own family and my life too. Well, I do think of being single forever but would that be good to me or to her? My life is really like in a small box. I can't run away and I feel no one in this world would rather be with me for what I am and what I have. I am just another boring person, love sticking my ass in the house and need to look after an old lady. What else can I do with all my daily routine and things that cannot be changed? I have a lot of wishes but it never comes the ways I am expecting. Seriously I think I am just another loser. If I am a woman, I will definitely won't fall to a man like 'me'.