30.07.2010 - Giving Up Everything

I am sick with my work now. Having too many things to look after and I still have to perform field work myself just to cover up the remaining. I wish to let go all and go for a long holiday. But of course this will be my dream! Why can't life be simple and easy? why we need money to stay alive? too many questions in my mind. I need rest and companion. Someone that able to sit beside me and listen to my grumble. I just want to go to seaside but I can't because I doesn't want my mom to notice I really giving up all my life and my work.

17.07.2010 - Bad Weather

What a nice weather today. I'd planned my day perfectly. I will take mom out for breakfast, send my car for a wash, send my desktop for repair, send mom to her sister's house (she requested), back to office to clear off some back-logs, go for jogging, have some nice dinner and then back home resting. Everything goes well except the stupid weather change that spoil my day. My car is got dirt, I have to cancel my jog and having my lousy banana leaf dinner next to my office. What a day....

17.07.2010 - Bad Dream

I hate having bad dreams... It was my nice evening yesterday. No doubt I have to check my emails and doing my job, it never stop me from watching TV together with my lovely mummy. Strange is, I am so tired and sleepy that night and took off early by going on bed around 1130pm and fell asleep in 20 minutes time. It was a deep sleep I ever have so far for the past few weeks. Then my bad dream started.... It is like a real things that happen! I was so awake in the dream and keep asking myself am I dreaming or this is real me? I hate having bad dreams especially involving my family members. Mom was the victim in the dream! As usual, it is difficult to recall the whole stories the next morning but I know I cried the whole night and my heart is beating abnormally. I woke up 330am feeling weird and difficult to breath. I tried to wash up my face and sleep again but the dream seems to continue... I woke up for several time that night and the damn dream keep on continuing. Never happen to me before. It is all about how my mom suffers and died. I know where I am and I can deeply felt the pain in my heart seeing my mom in the suffering condition. I always beg to GOD if HE wants to punish mom, please do it on me! I don't mind taking all her pain no matter how; should it be in my dream or in reality. Please GOD. The next morning, I was like... being asked to wake up early. I tried to relax and stay calm but the pain in my heart is so unbearable. I keep telling myself it is a dream; don't torture myself! But my heard keep pounding non-stop. I can feel the pressure in my chest and the extraordinary beat in my heart. I started to have difficulties in breathing and my nerves is keep pulling me telling me to go out and look at mom just to double check everything is okay. I heard mom walking around with doors slamming, kitchen utensils, etc. I tried to rest more since I have a bad sleep whole night trying to stay awake away from the stupid dream. I failed to do so. I get up from my bed, didn't even think of brushing or cleaning up my face, I rush out and hug at mom. Mom was surprised and asked me why. I told her I dreamt of her and it was a bad dream! Mom was laughing and says 'no worries.. I am still here'. I never have good dream lately. Why can't I have wonderful dreams like... gang bang by girls, flying like a Superman, dating miss world, world war hero, etc.????

12.07.2010 - Another Day

Going thru the same thing everyday is really tedious. I just want to leave the damn company but it is too heavy for me to leave. I just don't know why. I should put more effort to search for a job rather than keep thinking of leaving and leaving. 12 years are too long enough but I just used to the environment and colleagues. Every time I woke up in the morning, I have the bad feeling of going to office. This is not healthy but just for the sake of $$$, I force myself to take it! Human are so miserable. Money can make them scarifies anything. I just want to have a simple life but with my current life style I think it is difficult for me to switch it back to old day especially with the present status I have. I mean I can get what I want without struggling for money. Too much pampered. Well, I should spend more time on JobStreet for better days. I will!

04.07.2010 - Audit vs Desktop

I have being running around for the past few days. People surrounding me was laughing at me and teasing me. Some says it is a good sign but to me it is suffering. I tried to promote my auditors, increase their salaries as token of appreciation and hire new staffs to lighten the burden but none was accepted. This is really shits! They pay us peanuts and want us to work like cow!

For the past few weeks, I have being travelling and busy with audits. I have to run the program, perform audit, call customers to explain, handling some office admin matters, writing my reports, etc. I flew to Johor last 2 weeks ago and last week was in Alor Setar for audits. After months and years away from the audit, I've lost all the touches and skills which I have old time ago. My apprentice was helpful but still putting too much hope on me to lead the audit rather than helping me up by taking over the lead and refreshing up my old days. I struggle badly to recall all the past and pushes myself hardly to get it done perfectly. Although it is nice to be away from the desk with all the phone calls and emails, it is still a pain in the ass when talking about audit on field. It took me sometimes to tune up when I was in the factory but luckily I still manage to get it done as it should be without any unforeseen circumstances. Its good that these silly auditors are depending on me; indirectly pushing me hardly to catch up my past faster that I ever want to; making my audits successful. I wish I can just on full time auditing rather than sitting in the office listening to monkeys talking and condemning.

03.07.2010 - Dealing with Morons

Left out all my blogs since end of last month. Have being tied up with lots of works; on my desk and field work. Was told not to spend much time on field since I am responsible on some project that on going. But with the volume of audits that we have now, it leaves me no choice but to work on field and on my desk on the same time. I always have in mind what old people says; if you don't have that big head, don't wear that big hat! Despite making these monkeys aware on our capabilities and lack of workforce, yet they refuse to acknowledge it and insisted to take up the new project from 1 of the local giant hypermarket. Now I need to organize approx. 156 factories / suppliers to be audited against ethical requirement with limited auditors I have. They call me as the lead of the team; SR team - Social Responsibility Solution Team, which has no power over to convince them that we have no capabilities in terms of manpower to cater that much audits that needs to be completed within 3 months. I have being cracking my head for the past few weeks when the project kick off. How to complete 156 sites with 5 approved auditors? Silly aren't they? I have secured 50 sites now and we are not up to neck! I have to move away from my chair and perform audit myself just to cover up sites that over flow from my schedule. Calls from customers and HQ keep bugging me when I was on the field asking where have I been and why I am not on my desk handling what I should do? Are there stupid enough? how to complete that much of audit within 3 months with 5 auditors? 2 of the auditors are manager. And yet they still questioning me why I am out from my desk and what are the other auditors doing? I think managers and those sitting up there are brainless! They just know to instruct, delegate and orders. They don't really want to know the reality and facts. I am so disappointed with these management. I wish they wake up and stand on our shoes rather than throwing silly questions and assuming we are not working. Why promote me if you monkeys doesn't trust me? bastards!!!

02.06.2010 - Tired with Work

I am getting more fed up with my work now. I just wish to throw my resignation letter and walk away just like that. I have being busy with this stupid TESCO audit for weeks and yet none of the silly management understand what hassle we've been thru. What for working with bunch of monkeys that doesn't know how to appreciate us? I spend all my times working but end of day this is what I get in return? I wish to have reply from the companies I applied..