When we talk about marriage we talk about
how a couple get along and shares all the moment, should it be bad or good.
There is no perfect marriage in life and some may says we never marry the one
we love most but the one we don’t. I stood in the mirror now looking at my own
face and smile. Everyone says I looked cheerful person but for those who knew
me pretty well, knows that i cried deeply inside. I keep asking myself why
would I ventured into this miserable marriage life knowingly it is not suit me
at all. I was a happy go lucky person when I was single. I have no financial
problem or family problem except worrying so much about my career and my mother’s health. Every
moment i have during that time, is my “ME” time. I can choose what i want to be
and what i want to do without having the doubt of my surrounding environment.
Now i am fucking tied up with so many things that i, myself don’t even know how
to get it resolved.
I am a pessimistic person and i blame GOD
all this while for what happened to me, stupidly believed that our life is
controlled and planned by Him. But sitting alone in front of TV (with my mind
loitering around the problems) i realized GOD has actually helped me to be
here, sitting in front of TV enjoying dramas, movies under air condition room.
The one that really screw up my life is still me; who has being believing my
future on my mom’s hand. I thought being filial will get a good return but now,
i really messed up my life. I am not finger pointing but keep wondering what
have I done to my own life.
I thought building up a family will
probably give me something different and meaningful; unfortunately it is giving
me nightmare and never ending house work and problem. My main aim is to have
peace in life and family. Whenever i return home, i just want everyone smiling
but not showing their ugly damn anger face. In some cases, when I realised
there are problem, i confronted either 1 of them but the result is so
unexpected; cold war. Each of them will blame on my unfairness and so on. I was
taught by my sibling, being ignorant and do what you can do without relying on
them is the best solution. It works a little while but yet i am still suffering
in terms of physically and mentally. I am so tired with work and house work. I
never stop cleaning the house, toilet and of course taking care of their
feeling without having the thought of looking after mine. Sound like i am
pampering these ladies without considering the consequences. People says, it is
best to consult your closest sibling but to me, it doesn’t work well because we
ended up quarrelling. I guess i am an alien in this world and also the only man
in the family that bullied by the woman at home.
I am not a demanding person but I just hope
everyone in the family works as a team and contribute fairly. Mom was the best
team player but my wife is the other way round. Am not sure if she is too young
or she is trained by her parents to be like this. She is so dependent,
attention seeker, lazy, complaining a lot, expecting more from us than
delivering it, lack of initiatives and of course being over sensitive. Before
we got married, she has all promises made to convince me to marry her but after
marriage; she is like totally not her at all. Mom was great but of course in
some cases, she is really a pain in the ass. She started to lie when she did
something wrong just to cover herself. She even treated my wife unfairly and
rude whenever i am not around; yes my wife told me this and with all the years
i am with my mom, i am so sure she really does. Not to be unfair, both ladies
in my house are really bitches and pain in the arse. Not counting my sister
from Singapore, putting 3 of them together is the worst choice in life. If i did,
i always driving back home from work feeling worried and afraid. I am not sure
who is going to lodge the complaint first but i know there must be an issue
going on. Never ending stories.
Not sure if being silence and do what i can
consider solving the problem? In the other hand i am so tired and getting bored
over this life.
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