Posted 06.04.08 @ Hi5

Months being mising from the journel. i am back now. its a tough time since december 2007. mom was dignosed with Myasthenia Gravis and she collapse the day I returned from KL trip. I was on the sofa that time taking my sweet time resting after so much of rush since the day I got my car crashed; accident i mean.... For a sudden mom claimed that she is very ill, headache, cant breath and fainted when she tried to walk to the kitchen..... i tot it was normal and took it as easy as I can but when her condition persist i immediately rush her to the hospital.

2 weeks before; I met in an accident that caused me travelling with bike only... luckily my frens.. Mr. Lai and Mr. Praga borrowed me their cars for few days... Loon another fren of mine, called and offered to help financially. U know what.. these are true frens. Thank you so much.

Continue...
I took mom to hospital @ 1130pm the day I returned from KL and put her in emergency room (Adventist hospital) for further examination. The result, she is diagnosed with severe myasthenia gravis. Honestly I don't know how bad it was because I don't know what it is all about. I am so sad and scare to hell what is going wrong with my mom for a sudden?? I am alone and was so lost in the dark. I don't know what to do and whom should i call to help. It is 1230 am and i am very lost and worsen ... I am alone. After she is settled down in the hospital, I went back home @ 0230 and plan to have a good rest. But that is my worse night I ever been thru. Being so lonely in the empty house not knowing my mom is sick for so long. I can't do anything much except blaming myself being so useless. I visited mom the next day and doc tolf me that they found a tumor/thymoma on her chest a size of 1.7 x 2.7 cms. And of course should it be malignant or benign.. no one knows unless it is removed and tested. I immediately authorized the removal but was rejected by the doc as mom is very ill and too weak to go for surgery. Nothing much can be done except sit and wait for her to get stronger with prescribed medication. Days by days goes and i spend most of my time with mom in the hospital for a week and finally she is discharged. Doc says nothing much can be done except go back home and rest. I took her back home and back to the hospital a week later for check up. Surprisingly doc says she is going to be fit for the surgery by next week. I am so glad that everything is going to be final soon but day after ... again she collapsed. I rushed her to the hospital and this time in ICU! The surgery was then postponed until further notice. Another solution araised. In order to keep her strong from this; I have to choose 2 options which gonna cost me MYR25k for 4 days. Blood transplant or placelet replacement. I am lost again and again. Thank GOD she was given a day monitoring if there is a need to go for the options; and the next day.. she back to normal. The options are history.

2 weeks done; and as usual spending days with her in the hospital, finally she is fit to discharge to rest at home. This time.. she is really good to go... back home... 2 weeks later she went thru the major operation removing the thymoma from her chest; abutting her heart and located between the heart and lungs. Doc looks weird when I questioned him on the outcome of the operation. He explained that the thymoma cell was found penetrating the capsul that covers the thymoma and infected part of the lungs. To worsen his explanation he says, he has removed whatever he can physically seen which includes part of her lungs while those he cant it is still there. Specimen were sent for testing; 4 days later it was confirmed.... Malignant! It is a week before Chinese New Year.. AGAIN I am lost to no where. I decided to keep it as a secret and let her go thru a wonderful new year. I never lied to my mom but now I am forced to do it for her good sake. It is so painful to me to lie something like this to my mom. I cant sleep well every night and cant consentrate on anything i do.

Days past and everything is going smoothly during the new year... on the 9th day of CNY i took her to a regular check up and there is when we (Doc & I) unveiled the truth to her. She is blunt and crying non stop after knowing this but she doesn't aware that how diff I have to go thru with the pain for weeks being sad and pretending like nothing happen so far. She blame everything on me for being a liar. Thats really hurts me but I took it positively. I took her to Mount Miriam; a cancer hospital and immediately seek for oncology advise. The great news is... she only need to go thru the radiation and not the chemo as the cell observed which has been removed is non spreadable at that time. Full course of radiation shall be applied - 30 times everyday for 6 weeks immediately.

I took half day off for these 6 weeks driving her up to the hospital everyday from Mon to Fri hoping everything will be fine soon. Of course thanks to my company / management for being so understanding. Time passby very fast and yes we managed to fight thru the 6 weeks. During this 6 weeks, I've seen many patients which are even worse than my mom.. some are young while some are lonely but for sure... all of them are strong and full of fighting spirit. Worthwhile the pain and suffers, it heals. During my first visit, we met an average aged lady (muslim patient) who is so humble and friendly. We never met before but she gives us (mom and i) a very good advise and motivation. She told us that she is half way to death but she fight till today and now she is walking like others out there... Somehow being so stupid and down, i did not manage to get her name and phone number... we really owe her alot for helping us. Without her... we both probably lost in no where and sad till down ground. I thank GOD so much today that mom has done her 30 treatments and currently resting at home while waiting for next round check up to determine zero infection by next month. I hope and pray to GOD that everything shall be fine to her and if there should be any obstacles coming to her, please put it to me than her. I am young and strong to fight compared to her. Of course... i pray hard that both of us are in soundly.