6Sometimes I really don't know what I want. Initially I do enjoy being together with her but when our friendship move longer, I started to feel strange and tired! She is older than me, a year, a very caring person, someone that love her own family so much, love staying at home, able to do housework, etc. in other words, she is perfect except her temper. I rejected her plenty time but yet she never give up giving me the best she had and showing me her care towards me. I tried to distance with her but the longer she care for me.. the deeper I have the feel towards her. I am not sure if my prediction is correct. I keep on telling myself that I will regret if I continue go on with her because we both are very bad tempered person. I having lay low previously seeing if she can improve but I can see nothing except throwing tantrum and calls/SMS that looking for fault with me. i made my last call few months back that we should stop considering each other and look forward for something better for life. I know she hurt deeply but I think it is good for the two of us. Although we are yet being together as a couple, but the feels is lingering there between us that is unsolvable. During these few months, i can feel the cold reaction she gives me; although it is deeply pain inside me, I just lay low and keep quiet at all time.
Lately, I noticed that she is getting better and enjoy her life more than before. She take things easily and respect everyone besides her compared to previously. I heard her calls with friends and of course from close friend of mine that she is now going / dating a guy. I am very happy that she is looking for a better way out but deep inside me, I just don't understand why I had the strange feels. I feel jealous! That is so funny! How can that be if I am the one to call off and now I started to have this strange feel. I thought there is nothing between us but why am I feel jealous? Sometimes I really don't know what I want. I have being given something that special but of course nothing is perfect, but I reject it. I really hope I know how to walk out from my own problem.
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