Really don't know how to express my day. Usually around these days somewhere at the corner of CNY, I really enjoy going to the mall looking for foods and some preparation of the great Chinese New Year. No doubt it is only 2 of us in the house, I always try my very best to make it fun and meaningful. Well, I guess age is catching up and the new year mood is no longer as strong as before, especially with the upcoming global recession. What I knew for these years, the CNY is co$ting me more than having the feel of happiness and enjoyment. Seriously I do ask myself what the hell is happening to me? I try to fit myself with others; making myself thinking CNY is at the corner and I should be happy instead of feeling normal and miserable.
I took mom to the mall today; as I promised a week ago but it was a bad timing I would say. Somehow my mood is not in good tune with it and I just feel boring, tired and full of anger. I don't know why. I pull myself together and kept on whispering to myself to be patience and patience. Although I successfully make it, being patience, driving with smiles, going to places as she wanted to, having some foods as what she requested for, etc. but it makes me feel it is not me at all. Why do life so horrible. I can feel that I am born to make people happy and do what they wanted to but to me, I just need to be patience, quiet (sometimes) and do as what everyone wants. I think I am fucking stupid!
We went to TESCO Extra; walking for almost an hour, can't really find what we wanted for, probably due to new environment where we never been there before, and then migrated to Carrefour for another 1 hour. Well the $ame applied to my pocket. Then to DIY shop buying something parts for my house renovation, send my mom to her friends house, and then I go for hair cut which co$t me another MYR15.00 per cut (ordinary MYR12.00). Then headed to evening market for vegetables and fruits for the entire week and finally ended up at the restaurant having chicken chop. By the time we reach home, it is 7.45pm. I still questioning myself, why am I not feeling right and why do I need t be patience for something I don't like to do? I can't remember how many years I have being like this. Going out doing something which I don't like to do. How long more do I need to go through this? I just wish to empty my head and think nothing ... I don't want feel , like or whatever.
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