12.09.2010 - My Horrible Day

I have stopped writing for sometimes. My work is piling up and I have being busy travelling and getting my work done. I have lost all my quality times at home and putting to much on my work rather than resting and getting my mind ease. I felt sick for the past few days. It came in with hints but I choose to ignore it and pushing my limit to reach my maximum capacity. I am so tired, sleepy and feeling weak. I was having a tremendous gastric pain last week and took me days to recover. I know it was due to lack of rest! And then it follow by heavy fever, flu, cough and headache. I am now very very weak and high fever. Life isn't that tough; it is fragile if you dont look after them well. I am totally lost in the house, being too quiet, lonely and not well. I feel loneliness through these days but I am pulling up myself to face it day by day. No matter how, I will have to go through this in times to come. After a day being fever, I went to see doctor today and was told I've being infected with virus that causes me high fever and so on. I was asked to rest more than stop thinking anything else. I was counselled by her and notice I was actually in the early depression stage knowingly I am lonely, quiet and lost of path. I choose to take challenges to be alone and refuse companion from my friends. I feel lonely but I want to be let it be; and now I afraid of quietness. What I know most in my life is, work, eat, sleep and looking after someone. In other words, I am just fulling my time and responsibility. Doctor was surprise and tried to wake me up from it. i was given alot of stories and asked to read alot to gain more knowledge and filling up my time with something good from the book. I was told by the doctor that no doubt I look mature man but deep inside me, I am just a little boy. Someone that doesn't know where to go, how to handle my own life and a very shy person to take a step ahead. I feel great today although I am very sick. I know how to make up my life now and I would like to take a step ahead not having a negative projection of my life. I want to stop thinking of what is going to happen tomorrow and do what I have for the day. I will try!